So the Devils hold a 7 point lead over the Penguins in the Atlantic Division, with the two teams meeting tonight in Pittsburgh.  Solid, right?  Not really. 

See, the Devils are trying this new style of play where they just flat out suck.  Personally, I’m not a fan of it - but that’s just me.  After blowing games to Toronto, Boston, and :cringe: Philadelphia, the Devs have only “earned” 2 points in their last 3 games.  That’s not exactly how I would defend a Division lead.  But, that’s also why I never made it to the NHL, and I sit here 20 lbs overweight typing to you from the bowels of Long Island.

Whoa.  Sorry.   < // end crisis >

Tonight will prove huge - New Jersey needs to break the losing suck streak, and they also need to show Pittsburgh that a Penguin is not a fearsome hockey icon.  I’m in the mood for a good ol’ fashioned Penguin beat-down.  Hey guys, how about we stop making Banana Pads look like the second coming of Tretiak??  Whatta ya say?  Please? 

Groins are stupid.

So are the Philadelphia Flyers.

Banish groins and the Flyers and the world would be a much happier place.

Seriously.

Bad start to the period for the Devils, and Parise lost a little awesomeness with his tripping penalty, but he’s still more awesome than every single Flyer, so all is well.

Patrik Elias needs to seriously start being awesome again though, it’s getting a bit ridiculous now.

EDIT: And as I put the finishing touches on this lovely groin picture (because, hey, who doesn’t enjoy a groin photo?), Patty El gets a goal. Looks like he’s is a 2MA reader. Listen to us, boys, and you too can be awesome.

EDIT #2: Uh, can we maybe stop taking penalties now?

EDIT #3: Seriously? I mean…seriously? Way to waste a beautiful Brylin deflection, really. Lukowich is starting to kinda suck again, and that’s really making me sad. Hell, the whole defense is making me sad right now. Poo.

EDIT #4: This team is stupid. 4-3 Flyers after two periods. I’m quite sad.

EDIT #5: Word is Gionta is being held out for the rest of the game with a “tweaked groin.” That’s Devils speak for “Brian Gionta’s groin has fallen off, sprouted groin legs and ran away to Cancun for Spring Break.”

EDIT #6: You’re the goaltender and you have Patrik Elias and Scott Gomez skating in on you in an odd man rush. Who do YOU want taking the shot? …apparently in Elias’ warped mind, he’d rather give the puck to Gomez. Great logic. Really. Great.

EDIT #6 CONTINUED: Oh, okay. I know Elias didn’t exactly have the best angle in the world, but still, I reserve the right to say he should have shot the puck because I’m mad at him right now, and when I’m mad at someone, I can say whatever the heck I want and it’s totally okay, even if in actuality I’m wrong. It’s really a great power to possess, I encourage each and every one of you to do the same.

EDIT #7 (WHICH IS REALLY EDIT #8): You’ve gotta be kidding me. Biron is in no man’s land and still makes a miraculous save on Jamie Langenbrunner. He’s stupid.

EDIT #8: Wow. Rad Brad is back. I’ll take it. Well, I’ll take anything at this point. He’s, like, totally a Flyer Killer.

EDIT #9: Ew. I’m actually starting to get a bit worried about this team now. The worst team in the history of the world just beat the Devils. That’s, uh, not good. Regroup boys, take the next few days to focus yourselves and then beat the banana pad poop out of MA Fleury and the Pens, mmmkay?

Poor Logo. He can’t catch a break.