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You know what time it is!It’s apparent the Ottawa Sun hates us. No worries, really. I otherwise would not care very much about what some bitter Canadian columnist had to say about the Devils, but Mr. Earl McRae takes the oh-so-delicious cake.

THIS (link opens in new window) is what I’m referring to, folks.

So, apparently, New Jerseyans are two crayons shy of an empty box.

Reeeeeeeeeally?

I’m gonna have to RANT ’bout this one!

WARNING: THIS RANT CONTAINS GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AND IMAGERY. CONTINUE IF YOU ARE A PERVERT…JAY-KAY ABOUT THE PERVERT PART. CLICKY THE MORE TO READ THE FUN STUFF:

To this lovely so-called “writer,” New Jersey women are more or less sluts, or at least easy gals who would become easily compelled to take their tops off and show their breasteses to the entire hockey world. Uh, Earl? It gets kinda cold on those arenas. I may be easy and I may be a slut, but there’s no way in hell I’m taking my top off at a game. Sure, there’s always the added bonus of having thousands of drunk men ooh and ahh at the wonder that is my boobies, because, you know, being from New Jersey I love that sort of thing, but I’d rather spare my nipp-ees the bitter cold of hockey arena temperatures. MMkay?

On to my next beef.

So, we have our slutty female fans, that’s great and all, but it doesn’t stop there. Earl says we’re rude.

Eh, that one’s not bad. I’ll own up to that one. Granted, I don’t quite appreciate his comparision, making the immaculate Senator-nation out to be the goddesses of the world compared to lowly New Jerseyans, but, hey, take what you can get. If you really would like to say we’re slobs, I’ll just laugh at you and then spill some ranch dressing on my shirt. You know, New Jerseyans love their veggies…we ARE the Garden State and all.

Next stereotype, please.

Ah, my favorite one. Earl says we’re more or less “slow.” That’s putting it nicely, I suppose. We all know what Earl really wanted to call us…but, uh, I gotta be somewhat politically correct here, right?

I guess to Mr. McRae and the rest of Ottawa, that red tomato-ey liquid-y paste-y stuff you put on hamburgers is one real trigger point. He flips out for a good paragraph or so about the woes of calling ketchup “catsup” and then says that Canada likes to put the letter U everywhere. Uh, okay. You got us there. We hate the letter U. Martin Brodeur WOULD be a much more noted household name if he didn’t have that damn U in his last name. That bastard!

I really thought that the computer screen was going to implode at the conclusion of the article. I really did. Why is Mr. McRae so bitter about New Jersey? My guess, he met some meanie of a Devils fan and cried all the way home to the keyboard and decided to get back at the whole state by poo-pooing on us. It totally makes sense. He’s pegged us as rude, slutty, idiots and then poops on our faces and laughs at us. Okay, maybe he didn’t poop on our faces…that would have probably been pretty nasty, but, this article speaks for itself, really. This “article” is truly one big piece of trash.

Oh, and one more thing. No one from New Jersey says “Joisey.” Gosh!

Damnit New Jersey rocks!
____
WE ROCK.

Comments

  1. All that said to me it that the guy obviously was dropped on his head one too many times or got a nice whoopin’ by a Devils fan. And that “Ottawans” are “docile, timid, and boring” but we Jerseyans are just plain awesome.

    I’ve never heard anyone in Jersey say anything like “Yo. Goil. Get me da menu. And hurry it up.” There must be a different New Jersey with a hockey team called the Devils that I just don’t know about.

  2. I didn’t read you blog yet, but let me say first of all that Earl McRae is possibly my arch enemy, he advocates war and pisses me off with every column he writes.

  3. On behalf of Canada, I apologize for this douchebag!

    Actually he writes for the Sun, so maybe there’s really no point.

  4. Rich Houston says:

    Apparently you guys don’t “get” Earl McRae. MR. McRae has been writing for over 40 years and was in the 1970’s and 80’s the top sports writer in the country. This column is not meant to be taken “100%” seriously! It’s supposed to get a rise out of people who don’t “get it” And it did exactly that!

    Mr. McRae has been doing this his whole life! He is one of the country’s most controversial writers, but he tells it like it is. I lived in Ottawa for 36 years. Yes! we are boring. It’s the capital! “lol” folks, it’s fun, good natured! relax….do your research and you’ll see this is a writer who knows exactly what he’s doing and writing…”wink”