Guess we have to retire the Weekes Laser

Black ‘n Red continued their mad spending spree this morning, signing goaltender Yann Danis to a contract. Terms are unknown at this time.

Danis spent last season on Long Island, posting a 10-17-3 record in 31 games played (29 starts). The 28-year-old Quebec native posted a 2.84 GAA with a .910 save percentage.

Oh, and he also had three shutouts.

While we outstretch our arms to Mr. Danis, we must take a moment and mourn the loss of backup goaltender Kevin Weekes.

‘Kay, he didn’t die or anything, but we totally loved using the Weekes Laser. Sheesh. First Gionta, now this?

This hasn’t been a good month here at 2MA I’m afraid.

Rest in Peace, Laser. Rest in Peace.

We sure are going to miss you.

Maybe? Maybe?

Shifting our butts here for a minute (see: the darn post below this one), we have a brief update on one of the few coveted players actually remaining in the free agent frenzy of ’09.

Yes, I am talking about none other than Josh’s favorite Finn Saku Koivu. We have word tonight courtesy of David Pagnotta over at The Forth Period that Mr. Koivu is now mulling over a decision between at least four teams, one of which includes New Jersey.

Unfortunately, another includes a team that starts with a New York and ends in dollar $ign$.

Drats.

Alas, Koivu is apparently looking for at least a three-to-four year contract.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Saku is a heckuva player, but that’s a bit steep for an aging center who isn’t exactly the toughest guy in the world.

Oh, sure, he’s battled tons of injuries and cancer,  so he’s surely a warrior ‘n all that fun stuff, but I’m talkin’ ’bout longevity here. He’s no Marian Gaborik (see: laugh at the New York Rangers for signing him to a $583903-bagillion contract), but he’s also no, uh, insert-iron man-player-here.

Hey, what do you want from me? I’m still recovering from yesterday’s insanity.

Anyway, should we sign Koivu? Hey, we did add Ilkka Pikachu today so I mean, yeah, Saku would have a fellow Finn to be chummy with, but let’s be reasonable here — he may be asking for too much. With the cap certainly going down next year, it might not be the best idea taking on a long, hefty contract.

A cheaper, shorter-term fit for Black ‘n Red could be  Brendan Morrison. Think about it. Dude already fits Louie Lams’ number one prerequisite of being a former Devil. Pluuus, if he comes cheap and ends up sucking with us, we could surely dump him at the deadline for our annual mediocre defenseman that will do New Jersey absolutely no good come post season.

Low risk, high reward potential here. It’s absolutely genius. Well, provided we don’t somehow end up with Hal Gill next spring.

Oh gosh, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare the kids there.

Happy visions of Scott Stevens folks.

I sure miss the glory days.

Why don’t you take a seat?

It sucks to be a Devils fan if you have a fat ass.

…what, too blunt?

I apologize.

Let’s be frank here though. The round buns of many Devils fans far and wide (pun partially intended) are wedged between a Rock and a, well, plastic seat.

What the heck am I saying?

Oh, the seats are too cramped!

Or so says the organization and its fans, as Black ‘n Red has outright refused to pay $1.2-million to the Michigan-based seating company Irwin Seating.

Buggers filed a lawsuit against the Devils!

As reported by John Brennan over at NorthJersey.com, New Jersey ain’t payin’ ’cause Irwin Seating “failed to perform its obligations in accordance with the (January 2007) agreement.”

Ouch.

Common complaints across the Rock range from cramped, narrow seats to lack of cupholders (as previously promised, of course). The small seats make for very little arm and leg room between patrons. And forget about it if you’re a bit thicker — there ain’t much space for that derriere.

Some fans also argue the seats to be “too low,” making the sightlines a bit less than favorable. Granted, it won’t be as hard to spot Devils players next season with the departure of four-foot tall Brian Gionta, but STILL! Actually being able to see the game is always a plus, right?

So, what happens? Do we beg for Devils fans to enroll in Jenny Craig or should we unleash the wrath of a couple Newark thugs on Irwin Seating?

I kind of want to vote for the latter. If nothing else, it would at least be funny.

DEVILS MAKE A SIGNING!!!!!!!!!

Today the Devils signed former draft pick Ilkka Pikkarainen.

Exciting, right?

The 28-year-old forward spent the last three seasons in Finland, posting 24 goals and 13 assists for 37 points in 54 games last year. He also racked up 149 penalty minutes.

The 220 pound Pikkarainen should add a physical edge to the Devils roster, ‘specially after losing the amazing all-star Bobby Holik to retirement and the wonderfully mediocre Mike Rupp to the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Orrrrr, could it be possible that the Finn was signed to potentially entice another European player to the join Black ‘n Red?

Saku, I’m talkin’ to you.

…I know, I know. One can dream, right?

Oh, yeah, for the sake of reporting, Pikka was the 218th pick in the 2002 Entry Draft for New Jersey.

Fancy.

Oduya wanna be a Devil?

Johnny sure does.

The Swede re-upped with Black ‘n Red for a multi-year deal worth $3-million a season.

Not bad, Mr. Lamoriello, not bad.

Oduya was sure going to be a hot commodity on the open market this July, so this Devils fan right here is definitely happy that there is some semblance of awesomeness on the blue line in the coming seasons.

Okay, okay, maybe we razzed the poor fella quite a bit in years past, but forgive and forget…right?

RIGHT?

Whatever. I still hate the Pittsburgh Crosbys.

NOTES: The Devils swapped centers with the New York Islanders, acquiring prospect Ben Walter and a conditional 2012 draft pick in exchange for Tony Romano.

In 65 games last season with the Bridgeport Sound Tigers, Walter posted 20 goals and 30 assists. He also appeared in four games with the Isles.

Aaaand the Devils pick…


Center Jacob Josefson!!!!
Center Jacob Josefson!!!!
Center Jacob Josefson!!!!
Center Jacob Josefson!!!!
Center Jacob Josefson!!!!
Center Jacob Josefson!!!!

I will not congratulate the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Is it drafty in here?

Oh, it’s almost July. Never mind. Just a weak Entry Draft joke huh. My apologies.

So, it’s that time of year again. The future of the NHL will be determined by the calls of crusty general managers, granting the dreams and wishes of  scrawny framed, baby faced boys far and wide.

How I love the Draft.

Nothing too spectacular going on right now. Mr. John Tavares ended up going first overall to the New York Islanders, while picks two and three saw Victor Hedman and Matt Duchene go to the Tampa Bay Lightning and Colorado Avalanche, respectively.

Tavares, I’m sorry.

In other news, Chris Pronger was traded to the Philadelphia Flyers for the Flyers’ entire roster plus seven hundred draft picks. Fancy.

Okay, okay, so I’m a little weak in the knees merely thinking about Pronger in the same division as Black ‘n Red, but come on — two firsts, a (conditional) third, Luca Sbisa, AND Joffrey Lupul? Highway robbery I say!!!!!!!!!!!!

And yes, I did just use an obscene amount of exclamation points.

So maybe I’m trying to defer my sheer fear in the solidity of Philadelphia’s 09-10 defense by mocking the deal, but WHATEVER. That’s a lot for a defender that will only play, what, a couple more seasons?

Yeah, I know. The Flyers are going to be a good team next year, ‘specially with Pronger’s elbows flying at Devils forwards left and right. Sigh.

Alas, we have a little way before pick number twenty-three greets us. Barring any last minute moves, Lou Lamoriello is expected to pick a skilled center to usher in a new era of awesomeness in Newark.

Check back for any late breaking news involving the 2009 Draft here at 2MA!

EDIT 8:02 PM: The Islanders are serious. Snow ‘n co just traded, like, 8393 of their picks for Columbus’s #16 pick. Wow. Serious, serious stuff here. Serious.

EDIT 8:52 PM: Long Island just got even more serious. Pick #12 goes to the Isles while Minnesota gets, uh, a bunch of picks. They won’t have any picks left at this rate!

EDIT 9:36 PM: Quebec native Louiiiiiiis Leblanc to the Montreal Canadiens. How fitting. Who the heck goes to Harvard for an education anyway? …not that I’m jealous or anything. Whatever. Leave me alone!

EDIT 9:48 PM: Calgary up to pick at 20 but there is word of a trade. Likely a giveaway to the Devils for the whole Brent Sutter debacle. Let’s see.

EDIT 9:50 PM: Yup! Calgary gives pick #20 to New Jersey in exchange for picks 23 and 84.

EDIT 9:58 PM: Another trade to report: Anaheim sends pick 21 to Columbus for picks 26 and 37.

Lou Lamoriello is awesome.

Brent Sutter is not.

Oh, offseason.

I had a dream last night that the Devils won the Stanley Cup.

Rushing to the computer, in dream form of course, I logged onto 2MA to spill my heart out in sheer jubilation. My team won the Cup, finally.

Of course, my password wouldn’t work and the “publish entry” button mysteriously disappeared so I couldn’t even applaud my team’s brilliant seven-game effort against the Quebec Nordiques.

And then Martin Brodeur turned into Denzel Washington and the rodeo clowns all sang Killing Me Softly as the Puerto Rican Day parade carried on.

I love dreams.

And another one bites the dust!

Reports out of New York indicate that the New Jersey Devils will take at least two less penalties a game next season.

That’s right, ladies ‘n gents, Bobby Holik is no longer with Black ‘n Red.

After 18 seasons, 11 with the Devils, the 38-year-old bruiser has decided to hang ’em up.

His reason? He wants to be a family man.

Best of luck, Bobby. Just don’t take any cross-checking penalties with your kids. I heard those could be pretty lethal with children.

In all seriousness, thanks for a great career in New Jersey. I’ll let the whole “EFF YOU GUYZ I’M GOING TO THE RANGERS LOL!!!” thing slide. Just this once. Don’t Brett Farve this shizz and come out of retirement, like, seven times and go play with, I dunno, the Flyers or something.

Actually, you kind of really sucked this year. That might not be such a bad thing…