Wow.

I don’t think any of us were quite expecting that. The close up of Brent Sutter mumbling to himself constantly shown in the latter stages of last night’s 5-0 whipping at the hands of our Vancouver counterparts said it all. Blame it on the long flight or the bad bounces if you want, but sometime during the second period our boys just quit.

At the risk of sounding alarmist, I’m worried. Never have I felt as uneasy when a team I supported was in first place. Well there was the Mets sometime in September, but that’s a whole different train wreck.

I’m dealing with that. My therapist says I’m making progress. Things are good.

But these Devils are an enigma. We sit atop a division that’s likely the most competitive in the league, yet we’ve been shut out in 20 percent of our games. We’ve dominated plenty of playoff-caliber teams, but have been trampled by the league’s worst. On several occasions this fall, I’ve sat before my TV and proclaimed both that these Devils are unstoppable and that they need to be dismantled to start anew, sometimes in the same game.

And since when has taking bench minors during power plays become en vogue?! You’re already on a power play! So what if you didn’t get a call!

Serenity now.

I just can’t figure it out.

You can analyze their game top to bottom, point out strengths and flaws until the cows come home, but you’ll just end up making yourself crazier than Amy Winehouse. At times they look as though they’re forging new frontiers in science with the chemistry they have. But in games like last night’s and the drumming we took from Phoenix last weekend, they look like they haven’t met.

“Patrik, Meet Zach and Brian. Zach, Brian, meet Patrik.”
“You guys like hockey too? Rad!”

It just seems like some days the boys come to play and some days they don’t. I’m sure the Devils are currently working through their 345th sprint drill, so hopefully that gives Scowlin’ Sutter some time to figure out what the eff happens to his team between these night and day performances.

Because come playoff time if we’ve been shut out 17 times like we’re on pace to be, we won’t last. Hell, with a stat like that, we might not even make it. And you know what? We wouldn’t deserve to.

My apologies to those who swung by 2MA land looking for a livecap of tonight’s game. But after hearing the final score (5-0 Penguins), do you really want to know the messy details?

I didn’t think so.

It’s been a long time since the team played so badly that I could honestly say I was embarrassed to be a Devils fan, but this game did it. There is no other way to put tonight’s loss – it was just plain EMBARRASSING. Eight shots in the last two periods? Four goals in the last three games, and one in the last two? Waiving Richard Matvichuk and playing Sheldon Brookbank? Clearly this is a team in disarray.

I’ve always been confident that this Devils team will always be good. I’m not nearly as confident right now. I want to believe this team can get better, but the defense quite frankly sucks. When your second defensive pairing is Oduya and Mottau, there’s a problem. The offense will come around – we’ve seen flashes of it in the 6-5 Atlanta game and the Halloween 6-1 drubbing of Tampa – but the defense, as currently constituted, simply cannot get the job done.

There’s one other thing about this team that scares me. This Devils team has no heart. None. They are an engine without a sparkplug. Whether you like him or not (and I’m assuming 99.9% of those reading are of the latter), Sean Avery makes the Rangers better by…well, by being Sean Avery. We don’t have that. We have a team comprised of some big guys who can hit but not often enough, guys who can fight but not well enough, and guys who can inspire but do nothing inspiring enough.

So what to do? Well, I don’t have that answer. But leaving tonight’s game, I saw a man who should. Y’see, to avoid the crush of dejected Devils fans heading down the escalator, I took the stairs. As we hit the Suite Level 1 area, who should burst through the doors along with a small posse of men in suits but Mr. Lou himself. He didn’t look too happy, to say the very least.

It’s funny, but seeing Lou visibly annoyed made me calmer. I believe Lou will make everything all right. I believe that this team will ultimately pull together, or will get the parts needed to not suck anymore. Or at least the Kool-Aid tells me so.

So while I down another pitcher of water and artificial sweeteners, I have only one request of the Devils: Stop sucking. Please.

PATRICIA SAYS: Hey guys, sorry for no live-cap last night. I was severely under the weather, I didn’t even catch the game myself…which, apparently, was a good thing. We’ll be back for live-cap goodness on Thursday!

Well it seems as if this rivalry has taken yet another turn! See what had happened was, prior to the Devils’ second meeting of the season with the Rangers Sunday night, Wuss Avery had a few words for some of our boys in Red. These words can be seen here. (link opens in new window)

Now, heating up an opponent before a game is all gravy and biscuits… but enough is enough! Avery, it’s time for you to STFU!!!

For a player who’s never been an all-star, never won an award, has one cup freeloaded from the Red Wings, and has never led the league in anything more than penalty minutes, what right do you have to bash the #1 goaltender in the world? The modern day Jesus Christ! You’d have to wake up very early in the morning for many years, learn how to fly, and you still will not be at an acceptable level to criticize Marty for anything. ANYTHING!

My best guess is, you’re jealous. Jealous that you will never have the skill Parise or Clarkson has. Why not pick on someone your own size else? Colin White for example? (link opens in new window)

Sean, you may have made it to a professional level, but just like Sidney Crosby in college, you got no class!

So this is how it stands: one big game left on the record-setting road trip and the Devils are 3-4-1, collecting seven of a possible 16 points thus far, with two more big ones up for grabs Thursday night. If you have anything to do with the Devils — from Lou Lamoriello to the losers who just blog about them (wait…) — you can’t be thrilled with those numbers. So much fuss is being made league-wide about the Devils poor play as of late. In a way, it’s flattering.

The Devils have long been a team that is synonymous with winning and success. So naturally, when it is discovered that the team is sub-.500 only eight games deep, fans across the league can’t help but start gossiping. There have been rumbling tirades that “Brodeur is finally on the decline” and that it’s “impossible to replace Scott Gomez and Brian Rafalski,” even one absurd comment that “Brodeur is being exposed for the fraud he is – no defensive system = no W’s for Marty and the Devils.”

Um, is there maybe a slight inkling of a possibility that maybe, just maybe it’s nothing more than…a poor start? It’s no secret that most hockey fans are quite the apocalyptics (is that even a word?), but this is borderline ludicrous. It really burns my ass that there are people writing this team off as a failure this early in the season. Does anyone realize that the Devils are the only team league-wide yet to play a home game? To be honest, there’s much more to laugh about just across the river.

I am in no way making excuses for, or justifying the sub-par record the Devils have established, but I am not maiming this team just yet. The Devils offense has displayed some dangerous talent and a serious will to fight for every single loose puck throughout the course of a game. The defense has made steady progress – keeping in mind they’re short one mighty anger-riddled enforcer. Brodeur has not played well, but you cannot expect that to continue. Even during his darkest games this year, he has showed signs of brilliance. A bit confusing, yes, but promising nonetheless.

So take the past and put it behind you. There is one game left on this hellacious trip. Thursday night’s contest between the River-rival Rangers will be the biggest game of the young season for Black ‘n Red. A win over the hated rivals would breathe a whole new life into the team, as well as give them the opportunity to greet their hometown fans for the first time with a somewhat-respectable record to boot.

I cannot assure you that the team will turn it around and post another 100+ point season, nor can I assure you they will even make the playoffs — but I can tell you this: this is the New Jersey Devils we are talking about. Feel free to write this team off all you’d like, but it would be foolish to make such asinine assumptions.