Thoughts (again) from Sun Tavern, NJ: USA vs Canada..where are YOUR Gold Medals?

OK, so who else has simply LOVED these Olympics this year?? I know I have…. Hell I even got into the curling, and all that wacky stuff (I almost even know all the rules)….and the hockey what can I say?? The women’s tournament was a ton of fun (and I’ve made the Lady Finn goalie with the best eyes EVER into an international STAR…. now if only I could bring her and her power left hook home… hrrrmmm….go ahead, bring on the jokes about me and foreign women… I can take em!)… I’m actually kinda sad to see them go this year… but if you’re going to end an Olympics… THIS is how…. US invading Canadian soil…. one game… winner takes all…. “one shall stand…. one shall fall” (if you guys can whip out Princess Bride quotes I can go with the ONLY acceptable Transformer movie ever made!)… and in a few short hours if Kurt Angle walked up to one of these teams and said “where are YOUR gold medals??” they can turn and go “RIGHT HERE BEATCH!!!!”

And since I have some time here… and while I did like the Olympics… time to air some annoyances here…..
— I DON’T CARE ABOUT POLITICS or any crap show on MSNBC I’m only watching your shit channel because you MADE ME and no matter how many times you shove the ED show commercials down my throat I ain’t watching…
— in this trend if I see one more commercial for the goddamn census I am going to stab a kitten…. we get it… it’s important … we need fill it out… stop shoving Tina Faye in my face!!
— Though in some happy news, hockey fever is running wild in the Sun Tavern, this is gonna be a damn near football Sunday crowd 🙂
— and since I already took one shot at Michael Bay here… the only thing scary about the new Elm Street is that it’s Michael Bay’s awful dream :p

  • First Period
  • — Wow Doc looks OLD… and just when you think it… they show Al Michaels circa 1980… now THERE is a dude who looks old now :p (though as much as NBC annoys me and pushes shit down your throat… that Ice Vision thing is hella awesome!)
    — Both goalies make the first saves in the game and no Kipper flubs!!
    — No real advantage in play back and forth by either team… but some SERIOUS one-liners going back and forth at the bar!
    — Orpik SLAMS Heatley HARD AND HEAVY into the bench… no truth to the rumor that Ron Wilson offered him a US jersey and a chance to turn heel and join team AMERICA (fuck yeah!)
    — Crazy scramble in front and it’s PUFFY PAD SAVES OF DOOM BY LUONGO…and a stick save and cover… for extra drama-flavor!
    — They showed the replay of the puck on the line and I swear to God if that was curling the US would have won!!!
    — Dammit.. so much for the American burger helping :p

    (1 – 0, Can) Teows[1] (Richards) {12:50}
    Richards gets through two US defenders and works hard to get the shot through… Miller the good save, but the rebound to his left and there’s Teows and he grabs and fires the rebound up and over…. and a nation up north exhales!!!

    — Seems 18,000 people want a beer all at once since they’re yelling Miller!!!!
    — And they call Bobby Ryan for CHECKING… really… he CHECKED the dude!!
    USA kills the penalty pretty easy… they didn’t respond after the goal, but hell they didn’t pull a Finland at least!
    — Callahan a mini-break with time running out… but he’s a Ranger…. he sucks… two more periods and we can hate them again!!

  • Second Period
  • — the people behind us are getting a little bit too much into EVERY time a US player comes down the ice (and representing the US in a Scott Stevens jersey… really?? )
    — Ryan Malone to the box for FACE-CHECK!!! (Hell they might call that in the NHL too!!)
    the people oversell the Miller save like it was a gunshot…. I be happy no points for Cindy!! And I’m busy talking US beer va Canada beer with my Ottawa friend Sara!
    — WOW WHAT A SAVE BY MILLER…. oops as I was gonna say it was Richter-like… the result might be :p

    (2 -0, Can) Perry[4] (Getzlaf) {7:13}
    Getzlaf makes a centering pass… Marleau to the net…..Whitney gets a stick on it, but bad luck… good bounce…. it goes right to Perry and he turns and just FLIPS it… and Miller had NO CHANCE

    — US gets another pp but when you put Langs, Parise and Rafalski on it… YOU GET DEVILS RESULTS SUCKS… EVERYONE KILL EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!
    — Team USA is getting with it now… J.Johnson the rush.. around the d… in front… KICKED OUT LUONGO !! DAMN YOUR BLOATED LIKE WOMAN ON PMS PADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    — Doc sets Olympic record… most times mentioning Cherry Hill, NJ … that’s gotta be some kinda first!!!
    — KEEP MENTIONING CHERRY HILL DOC!!!

    (2 – 1) Kessler[2] (Kane, Rafalski) {12:44}
    Simple play but damn it worked… Raflaski leaves for Kane… across to Kane… centers and Kessler swats at it… and Luongo doesn’t….
    see it’s off the ice… this is a good thing… FUCK YEAH!!!

    — HERE COMES PARISE…AAAAAAHHHHH!!! But Luongo comes out and gives him the logo-buster on a Rob Tonnesson level!!!
    — USA off side on the goal?? Well that call seems random in the Olympics now :p
    — Good Lord people it’s a fucking shot on goal… STOP SCREAMING… hockey idiots!! (see why I like hockey being a cult sport???)
    — Nash with the WRAPAROUND BUT THAT’S MUH-TOE MUH-TOE even a Devils fan can cheer!!!!!
    — Stretch pass and RANDOM NUMBER 21 CUTS IN BUT MILLER MAKES THE SAVE AND JOHNSON SACRIFICES HIS STICK BUT HELPS GET IT OUTTA THERE!!! END OF SECOND PERIOD… wow… we gots us a GAME peopless!!!

  • third Period
  • — Wow, that was a good play for Canada… why is she cheering this… doesn’t she…..
    I instantly cut her off and say NO…. no really the woman behind us can’t tell a hockey puck from a curling stone (thanks for the setup Tasha!)
    — Team Canada starts the 3rd period with a nice start…. if we were playing GOALPOSTS!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!
    — Ohhh Drury’s hurt!!! 11 minutes until RANGERS SUCK time anyway!!!
    — WHAT A SAVE BY MILLER ROLLING THE RIGHT LEG OUT ON THE REBOUDN CHANCE!! How come that NEVER works for me dammit!!!!!
    — Fuck Drury’s back…. well we only need him 9 more minutes anyway, right??
    — Malone a shot… people behind us scream like it’s Parise…. but it’s not to be!!
    — OK the save was LESS epic because it was on Thornton and Heatley… the only time Heatley hits the target is when driving kids :p
    — “I never watched a full hockey game before” (from behind us)
    me “WE NOTICED”
    — Rafalksi pounces on a loose puck… but BLOCKED BY BOYLE… if only he kept his house from burning with that passion….
    speaking of… WTF is with the random goal horn?!?!?!
    — FUCK YOU CROSBY POKE CHECK MILLER!!! All I yelled was ANYONE BUT CINDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    — Wow, the hockey geniuses want us to pull Miller with 2 minutes left… CMONNNN!!! (again this is why I love that no one loves hockey :p)
    — I wish I could tell you what happens, but the front run idiocy is killing him…. “Hey Luongo can’t catch”… ummm… asshole, he’s a butterfly goalie… ALL HE DOES IS CATCH asshat!!!!!
    — Miller to the bench… people freak out that the puck WAS NINETY FEET FROM THE EMPTY NET!! Good god!!!!
    — DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES… AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

    (2 – 2) PARISE[5] (Langenbrunner, Kane) {19:35}
    WHO GIVES A FUCK HOW IT HAPPENED.. ZACH PARISE TIES IT UP WITH 30 SECONDS LEFT!!! THAT’S ALL YOU NEED TO FUCKING KNOW BITCHES!!!! BRING ON OVERTIME!!!!!!

    — Confirmed FACT, they’re even yelling AHHHHHH, PARISE IN ARGENTINA FUCKER!!!!!

  • Overtime!!!
  • — Wow, the woman behind me called Parise the best there is the best there was and the best there ever will be… hey that shit’s Canadian dummy!!!!
    — also that kinda fitting that an Olympics I don’t want to end has an extra session!!
    — Parise comes in 1 on 3… me “so the sides are even!!!”

    (3 -2, Canada) Crosby[4] (Iginla)
    Well we all know what happened and why… dammit Miller should have had this shot too…. and Gary Bettman too busy jacking off in the NHL luxury box… and the fucking golden child does it again :p…. mb30 fakes joining in the Olympic Pile like a Jewish woman on her wedding night…. yay Canada… hate you Crosby and RANGERS SUCK AGAIN!!!!!

    — well back to the Devils grind soon and often!!!!

    Thoughts from snowed in Roselle Park: USA vs Finland, Olympic Semi-Finals!

    Hey looks like they finally got the Canadian girls off the ice (and CMON guys you know it’s hot to see a bunch of hockey girls partying and lighting stogies, screw it if a few are under-age 😉 )…but now it’s time for what everyone wanted to see….the right to fight for the right to wear Olympic gold (and make Kurt Angle jokes all summer… it’s true, oh it’s true!!), you’re all snowed in anyway, so LET’S GET OLYMPIC, eh??

  • How they got here:
  • We mostly know the US Story by now… unless you live in a ditch…. or South America (but she ain’t gonna read this anyway, it’s over 25 words)… so it’s pretty simple… Ryan Miller… timely goals and away they went! The Finns are similar but different, they play a more smothering old-school NJ Devils type of hockey, defense, defense and more defense (but yet no player EVER in Olympic hockey has more points then their own Teemu Selanne)…4 goals allowed in 4 games and 2 shutouts… yeah that’s pretty tight, and Kipper is maybe the best goalie in hockey that no one talks about…. so this should be an epic battle today!!!

  • First Period
  • (I like this way or writing a little better… it adds some flow and the jokes make a bit more sense this way… opinons??)
    — Slow start to the game but loved Ryan Miller coming out and putting a courtesy check on a Finn to clear the puck, I love when goalies do dumb things like I do!…. and just as I talk about dumb shit that I do in goal….

    (1 – 0, USA) Malone[3] (should be Kipper, and Kessel deserves one too… but no one gets one) {2:04}
    Malone chips it out and off goes Kessel to come fetch it….Kipper comes WAY out to get it and makes a TERRIBLE pass that goes right to Malone… sweeps the shot past and it’s one-zip just like that!!

    — and the next few shifts after, the Americans turn up the heat (Rafalski all over the damn place)… not a good sign for the Finns when you NEED to answer the bell after such a gaffe!!
    — and people PLEASE stop texting me that Kipper pulled a Scott… I’d have cleared the zone on the bonehead pass, thanks!!
    — the Finns look VERY nervous here… alot like the US Women did last night….
    — Man the US speed and forecheck is all over the Finns and it drew an interference call…and right off the faceoff!!

    (2 – 0) Parise[3-pp] (Statsny, Rafalski) {6:22}
    AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Rafalski’s shot is blocked, but the Finn who gets a stick on it kicks it right to Statsny who waits and cuts the pass through three people and right on Parise’s stick… holds… flips… TOP SHELF and the Finns are in it and DEEP already!!!!

    — and the Finns now doing their best team Russia impression and US right back to the pp

    (3 – 0) E.Johnson [1-pp] (Pavelski, Malone) {8:36}
    Kipper can’t handle the dump in and punches it to the corner…Malone hustles and gets to it… pops it behind the net… Pavelski to it… throws it in front.. and in American fashion it’s KICK/WHAM/STUNNER!! 3-0 and time out Finland… and maybe bye-bye Kipper!

    — 6 shots on goal…. 3 goals… WOW
    — and keeping with the every other shot thing…

    (4 – 0) Kane[2] (none) {10:08}
    Patrick Kane is dominating the play here….Kane the shot… Brown kicks it back to him…. cuts around everyone… looks.. dump… SCWWWAAAARRRR…. and this is a beatdown!! KIPPER TAPS OUT AND RUNS FOR THE BENCH!!!

    — the only way the US could beat them down so savagely would be simply to invade them and take over :p
    — Enter the Backstrom!!!! And he actually makes a successful save without letting a goal in!!
    — Err nevermind what I said!

    (5 – 0) Kane[3] (Rafalski) {12:31}
    He just walks in, wide open… cuts wide, shoots far side… and I think they can put BOTH goalies in net and we’d still pound them!!

    — I CAN’T KEEP UP!!!!

    (6 – 0) Statsny[1] (Langenbrunner, Parise) {12:46}
    2 goals in 15 seconds… and they had to change goal songs now it’s so ABSURD!!! Parise to the corner… leaves for Langs in the faceoff dot… across to Statsny… and BAM… can … you…. dig… that… SUCKA!!!!!!!! I’m running out of catch-phrases!!!!

    — the Finns would run off the ice and go home right NOW if they could …. really…..’
    — by the way… fuck you NBC, your exclusive crap with the highlights made seeing what happened in the late games impossible and it was a damn near needle in a haystack finding your crappy scoreboard!!!! It’s been annoying me all Olympics and now I can say it!!!
    — Great line from no-longer-cousin Rob… “programming note: the role of the Finnish goalie is now being played by Vessa Toskala”… sure looks it don’t it??? I think Rafalski may shatter Selanne’s scoring record in this game alone!!
    — Shots were 13-4 in the period… and holy God that was just a brutal beatdown!!

  • Second Period
  • — I needed that whole intermission to double check all the goals… and what’s up with no goals in 10 minutes of play?? Really??
    — Rob’s now trying too hard to be funny cause this game is in trash time (though the US is putting the foot off the gas a little soon here)… “who had the worse day… Kipper or Sea World?” Least Kipper only killed himself in this one… Sea World left thousands scarred and I think Finn-Nation is used to this kinda Olympic FAIL
    — Ruttu takes a penalty and a misconduct… at this point it’s for pretending to be a hockey player, totally against the rules on team Finland when medals are on the line 😛

    NEWSFLASH… USA DOESN’T SCORE ON POWER PLAY… they’re partying in the streets in Finland I swear!!!

    — Man if this game was somewhat close I’d be raving about Kessler’s block on that play… at this point I’m just trying not to type for the sake of typing…..
    — It’s the second period and Doc is talking about preggo Dogs and pups… oh boy it’s going to be a SLOW third period…..

  • Third Period
  • — Really ain’t much to say here unless something absurd happens right? Least the US is getting some penalty kill practice here…
    — Ryan Miller pulled for Tim Thomas (who should have played one prelim game if you ask me)… I get the move… it’s classy and to protect the goalie and all…but geesh I have issues doing that with a shutout on the board……
    — uh-oh Bobby Ryan (maybe the one guy who didn’t score today) takes a puck to the noggin… that HAS to hurt… save him for Sunday… he should be alright….
    — See what I mean about the shutout ??

    (6 -1) Mettinen[1] (Lepitsto) {14:46}
    The Finns actually pretend they can play some hockey and pass the puck around…. the long shot comes from
    Jack Johnson tries to block it and it hits his knee (OW) and it kinda goes bullet-time Matrix style from going right to going left…Tim Thomas can do not a damn thing about it on that one….. but still kinda sucks to lose the “zero”… an annoyance at best at this point

    — and that’s gonna do it!!! IMPRESSIVE win for the US… not too much fun to watch once the wolves feasted on the carcass but you can bet Sunday’s gonna be one HELL of a slobberknocker!!!!