Thoughts from Section 209: Devils vs Preds, 2/12/2010

Hey folks… no I didn’t fall into the abyss like the rest of the staff did :p… I had a REALLY bad… umm… “digestive situation”… wasn’t much fun, but of course I got all better for work… and then the damn snow hit… so that was another mess… and my thoughts from Apartment A-1 would have been a more angry rant about the only fan noise being that idiot “Ranjahs suck” chant on TV… so anyway… all is well…. all is good… and it’s the damn Olympic Break… though we were given hats tonight, and a good chunk of us didn’t leave with them… more on that later!!!

The Good:
— WE DIDN’T BLOW A TWO GOAL LEAD…. hooray!!!!!! In fact this game was a massive 500 pound gorilla off their back and the liberation to it I can only compared to losing a 5’11” blonde gorilla right before my birthday 🙂
— Jacques Lemaire…. yeah he’s been dealt a crappy deck with this team and the injuries… and he overplays the vets… but HE FINALLY did it and got a message across… Jay Pandolfo sat out tonight… healthy scratch!! THANK GOD, no longer is it ok to shoot pucks right into the logo… no more will be matching lines and putting tpye-2 viagra level stiffs on the ice when it matters!! We have GOOD YOUNG PLAYERS WHO NEED TO DEVELOP, and sitting dead wood for young legs is what we NEED to do more of now!
— Kovalchuk…. I mean yeah I’ve seen him when Atlanta would play us… but you don’t really WATCH HIM…. Jesus Christ I think he’s got the hardest in-game shot in this team’s HISTORY…. when he clanked that post in the first period… Tammie heard it… on the escalator…. on the other side of the building :p…. when he hit that defenseman in the HELMET with it… he damn sure FELT IT (during the next PP Ilya went back to the dude… and I have no idea if he apologized or in his best Ivan Drago voice went “next time I must break you”)… and then of course… the goal…. and go figure I was just bragging about the power of my WEEKES jersey winning me another Super Bowl box this year… and kick.. wham… GOAL!!!! (I wanted to get a HEY… KOVAL-CHUK over the YOU SUCK… but it didn’t get there!)
— Hell all the big names we need to score…. scored tonight!!! And it’s a POWER PLAY GOAL… fuck you Sam Rosen!! (and arena security too :p ), Murphy and Fraser got good minutes and I REALLY liked what I saw from Corrente on the RW… like another converted defense-person (oh that will piss her off)…. he did really good… he got his shit dirty… he HIT PEOPLE… and he showed some real promise as a RW… and replacing Pando… the bar was set low….

the Bad:
— Jason Arnott was a -3… oh wait… everyone forgot about him and hell he was damn near invisible on the ice, thank God too… the reunion tour HAS to stop and I don’t want that mess back in Jersey :p
— Brian Rolston played 1/4 of the game and the only reason you’d know it is his time on ice….
— Poor Zharkov… he’s snakebitten again…. we just don’t like our Russian Wings in Jersey….

the Funny:
— I was being vague and message sending today (so was my mp3 player) and after having Freebird come up three times on the device today (and then the Micro SD card is gone… weird)… I decided to post the lyrics for reasons only known to me… and this starts a whole bitch-fight essentially, and anyone who knows me…. they know how much and WHY I hate country music…. so now they’re all like… well that’s a country song, and I’ll be double damned if:
A. them get away with it (I’ll stab myself… or worse.. watch a Ranger game….. before liking country music, country music SOUTHERN ROCK)
B. Let them have the last word
C. Listen to the Who over them!!!!
— so it started in warmups (though amazing I didn’t have ONE incident with a self-deluded bag of balls bothering me during warmups… yay!)… Patrik Elias WIPES OUT… I wanted to call it a header but I get yelled at by the soccer nation…..and I just panic… all I do is yell OH NO, DON’T YOU BE HURT PATRIK WE NEED YOU NOW DAMMIT!!!! Thankfully he was ok and my cursing fit was only for the amusement of a few!
— Ah, our lovely Pete moments of the night… though his pesty friendship with dear Clutch is strained (oh let him yell at you… the options are brutal)…. but as always… he asks me the goalie’s name it gets ugly:
“Hey Scott what’s the goalie’s name?”
“Rinne….”
“HEY WEINER YOU SUCK!!!”
— Josh Burnett (on our 5 on 3 FAILS):
“Well thank god the whole we-can’t-score-on-a-2-man-advantage thing held true, or the we-can’t-hold-a-2-0-lead thing
would be in play.” … and we only blew a one goal lead and still won!!!
— Gotta love a fan base so desperate for offense that when Kovie FINALLY did score… and we as a TEAM scored three goals… hats come flying on the ice… um no guys, slow down there… I was actually half amused (and like Josh)… half stunned by the dumb of it… her lordship goes into a curse filled tirade over and over again YOU FUCKING MORONS STOP IT BEFORE WE GET A FUCKING PENALTY (I swear it was like watching a game with Pat Burns!)… screaming and raving like crazy to the point it annoyed the guy in front of us with his three kids (really the fuck bomb was dropped more times now then any weapon used in Iraq… accept this and don’t get me started on the fucked philosophy of this country where we can show horrific acts of hate and violence all the time and it’s ok .. BUT OH MY GOD HE SAID A NAUGHTY WORD and the world’s supposed to end… fuck you.. lighten up, the WORD means NOTHING unless YOU empower it!)

…. and just when she stops ranting… Goomba steals the rant… but nooooo we don’t complain about him using it… because we’re a pussy and he could hurt you… douche bag!!!

Well I know it ain’t much but it was a lot of fun… and don’t worry… I’ll be doing some kinda thoughts and maybe even an Olympic Preview as we go get all Kurt Angle and GET OLYMPIC for the next few weeks…. stick with me… it’ll be fun, I guarantee it!!!!

Thoughts from Section 209: Devils vs Leafs, 1/29/2009

Did anyone notice the Full Moon last night?? You should have…it set the tone for that game last night… weird shit was EVERYWHERE, 208/209 was a little too drunk and ran out of gas, and boy so have the Devils… the good news is they played Toronto and the Maple Leafs this year are simply known as “Chicken Soup for the Struggling Hockey Club’s Soul”… and on a FUCKING COLD night like last night, we all need a little Chicken Soup!!!

The Good:
— ZUBBIE!!!!!!!!!!! See why we didn’t pass the Zubbie Counter to anyone else (yes I’m looking at YOU Mike Jeckel!!), Jesus Christ that was his best game since that 5-point one vs Tampa MANY moons ago …..*sigh* I wish he could do that against non-lottery teams, but that could happen if he sticks with Parise and Zajac
— Zach Parise was hungry and attacking all over the place tonight… and DAMN he wanted that hat trick… it was like he realized he’s 12 goals behind Marleau and saw the awful Leafs as a chance to get back into it all at once!!!
— Patrick Davis!! He looks like he’s settling in
— I liked that Lemaire gave Bergfors a night off… he had totally hit the wall and needed a night to get his legs back… I think Niedermayer needs one or two of these two… and with Pelley back we can SPOT THE OLD FARTS ALSO!!!!

The Bad:
— Doc said it nicer then I would have… and I’ll give her credit for it:
** Deanna Tortorello Over “I’m pretty sure Doc just said this is Marty’s eleventy-second start.”
If Martin Brodeur is Canada’s No. 1 goalie in the Olympics next month, as everyone expects, the Devils will probably pay the price in March. Coach Jacques Lemaire said Friday he would have to rest Brodeur if the 37-year-old goalie plays a lot in Vancouver. “If he’s the man to go in all the way through the Olympics, I think we will have to give him some off time after,” Lemaire indicated. “Because that will be intense.”
So WHY THE HELL NOT START NOW??? Ever hear of PREVENTIVE MAINTENANCE??? You don’t beat the horse until it fucking breaks!!! You rest the horse knowing it has a big practice tournament is coming in mid-Feburary… and the REAL EVENT comes in April… you have a VERY capable goalie, who will in theory be here AFTER MB30… PLAY HIM!!!!
— Speaking of bad decisions… it’s seems Lemaire has been a little Sutter-ized of late… starting Neids and Pando in overtime?? REALLY… the idea is to score goals, not let the group stiffer then an old folk’s home after a tragic Viagra accident out there!!!
Taking Zubbie off the Parise line (maybe thinking Zubrus needed to come back slow after missing you know.. most of the year and all)… but WAY too much of Nieds and Pando in the 3rd period too….PLAY THE KIDS please!! (nice to bitching they “only” got 8-10 minutes as opposed to the shift and a half under coach prune-face!)
— the defense… 2 goals in the last 5 minutes and COLTON ORR HAD A BREAKAWAY… let me say that again… COLTON ORR had a goddamn breakaway… I almost don’t blame mb30 for the goal he was probably stunned by it like I get when the random fat guy gets a take off and go breakaway amazed that no one can catch up to his rumblin and tumblin ass and stop him…..Mike Mottau was turning the puck over like it was out of style (but yet he was a +2, how??)… and like I was saying before the excessive ice time has guys playing over their head and it’s coming back to haunt them now… might be a good time to get Corrente, Eckord and Fraser some ice time up here and let some guys if not REST, then slow it down some…….

The Funny:
— ah, and where to begin… I think it’s become my new mission in life… I’m sick and tired of the douchey attitude from people in the lower sections where I’ve been going to watch warmups for FIFTEEN YEARS…. and until this year it’s NEVER been a big deal.. stand in a row, watch them warmup, get a feel for the team and LEAVE, your seats BLOW for a full game experience and I hate them… so fuck you I don’t want your seat…. but my God… EVERY game this year it’s attitude about their seats… don’t you have nachos to buy??? So I started standing in the aisle to not deal with it… and last night this rotten little midget who hates life (I swear he was Steve Cangelosi’s KILLER ACCOUNTANT, cause you know those little people hang out together)…. sends his mistake child in like a retard missile barreling and cutting through everyone and clips me in the knee (and I’m still aching from my hockey game last night, so I’m annoyed already), then his dad pushes through me and I snap… YOU KNOW AN EXCUSE ME ACTUALLY works….. he claims he said one, but then again those people in the emails from Nigeria claim I have 50 million sitting there for me….and then the lil accountant starts screaming and cursing at ME because I called him on his douche-ness, which pissed the guy behind me off cause now he’s dropping F bombs like he’s me on here :p….he tells me to go to my seat and I tell him loudly that I have EVERY right to be here cause I’m a season ticket holder and been doing this for FIFTEEN YEARS….and I ain’t going nowhere!!! The lil fella actually went to the usher and whined at her… and I told her … I ain’t going… and going I didn’t!!! Though on sheer principle I let EVERYONE in the area politely and with a smile leave the aisle and the section in front of me… ok on principle to further provel Cangeliosi and Goldberg’s #1 CPA that it was his idiocy that caused the whole thing…. fuck you one time a year person and I HOPE YOU DIE!!!
(talk about setting the tone eh??)
— Oh man was 209 a little extra drunk last night… and the full moon added to it I’d bet :p…. poor Pete… he’s got so drunk he got QUIET… that was a weird third period seeing him NOT yell and holler and pester Clutch all game… but hey he got Gustafsson AND Toskala’s names right…. good for him… he’s fucked on Sunday since the guy’s name is QUICK… he doesn’t do one syllable names well….gonna have to coach Dee on advising him since I’ll be here making food for the Royal Rumble!!
… the KILL chant was off all night too… first it was too fast, like an old record player on 44 instead of 33 (oh wait.. none of y’all know what a record IS… *sigh*)… then it got WAY TOO SLOW… in fact it was so slow it was at a Chris Benoit-level rhythm… what do I mean… a Kill so slow it takes all weekend to finish it off……
— …. going with the weird of last night…. when Parise (AAAAHHHHH) scored (and what a goal it was)… the dude behind me had a Stone Cold moment…. thumbs on the beer bottle… shakes them beer goes spewing EVERYWHERE… and yeah I got doused… but you know what… I thought about it… this shit washes off… he just wasted $16 on a beer bath… so he’s pissing more money away then I am…. so go him!!!!… and it set up a great line from mister Barry:
“Barry Meikle: Wow, he’s paying nearly as much per goal as the Rangers did on Gomez.” (since I did comment on it for the facebook thread)
— one last funny moment I got glimpse of….puck gets chipped out of play and pops some dude in the front row…. he’s wearing a Leafs jersey (sadly it was not our favorite accountant of DOOM)….and he’s wobbling… as he wobbles… I catch the number… he’s wearing a Gustafsson (whatever his name is) jersey…. I kinda sit and think…”shit that was the best save the big Swede made all night!”

…. So like I said… programming note… Scott’s gonna be HOME for Sunday’s game… so no thoughts about the Kings, well except for the fact that I fucking HATE the city of LA and I hope it dies!! But I do have a month in review to do soon… so Fret not … 2 man shall NOT go into a coma again this week…. and I’m open and willing to take suggestions on what you guys would like me to do to give Olympic Coverage??? Should we adopt a team??? (I say Sweden, no major Devils on the team, so we get rest and we let Lundqvst burn out his puffy padded self in the Olympics so the Rangers suck more, and the Devils get some NEEDED rest)….you guys read this crap… lemme know what ya want!!!!

Thoughts from Section 209: Devils vs Panthers 1/20/2009

January 20th already?? Holy Shit where does it go??? Well 2 and a half hours kinda slowed down today…. it wasn’t exciting… it wasn’t 96 shots on goal level epic…. but it was a win and a needed (with some spolied asshats Devils fans out who OMG WE LOST THREE IN A ROW were contemplating suicide… for Christ’s Sake… try being a Buffalo fan then whine about Panic… and Chan Gailey… ouch), but the Devils needed some rest and a willing opponent and they certainly got that in the Florida Panthers who looked like the Benoit Family Show on Ice tonight :p

the Good:
— Jacques Lemaire… he has the pulse of this team…. he knows they’re tired and it showed on the road trip, and this team needs a break, but the schedule isn’t giving them one… so he’s cutting back on the practices and even cancelled the morning skate:
“Go back to bed,” Lemaire said…. “They looked different,” Lemaire explained. “What’s wrong? I don’t know. That’s the million dollar question, what’s going on. A lot of things are not going right. It’s how to fix it.” (from my point of view some time off was a good way to do it!!)
— Nick Palmeri… he was in the good spots on the ice (gotta love a rookie who gives the goalie the ol’stinkface during the pp)… he was in the nasty areas (something the Devils need more of)… and he set up the Devils winning goal… he played good and I was happy to see him get his just rewards today (which is funny because if you remember WAY back in the rookie game I blasted him cause he just sucked with Tedenby)… but like that game this was only one game and he DID whiff on an empty net pp-rebound…. so no one’s perfect but a damn good debut!! (Patrick Davis was far more forgettable and served his purpose in making Rod Pelley be PIST… or perturbed if you have problems with me stealing the butchery of the Enlgish Language and making it good again :p).. and it was good to see Palmeri get rewarded with some first line ice time (and his in your fact style will make room for Zach and Zajac!)
— Dean McAmmond… he had a nice game, but man that blocked shot and beat the clock empty net goal was again a thing of pretty and good to see hard work rewarded like that!!!
— Colin White…. had a good smart game and two great knock em down hits in open ice… was good to see…. he covered alot of….ummm… gaffes (I’ll be generous)…..of Mike Mottau tonight, who was certainly gonna play his way out of the lineup this way…
— Also… how could I miss on my Andy?? <3 … good smart solid game… and a wicked "how do you do" shot that went through everyone and Vokun was lucky to get a leg on!
— the penalty kill…. barely had time to yell KILL KILL KILL…..not that anyone was paying attention anyway…..

the Bad:
— this game was kinda sleepy and lifeless at points… but hey you win ugly to get out of a funk (and the morbid douchebag side of me wanted to see more spoiled Devil-bitch-fan paranoia…. oh well)
— the power play is STILL O fer Oh-Ten… that's not good… it came close, and I loved the puck possession and most of the pp time was in the Florida End… it's getting there and Palmeri getting his shit dirty was a good thing too…..
— 27 games in a row for mb30?? Really??? I understand he played good and we go through this shit every year… but it's still an Olympic Year… and a night off Mentally…. it's a good thing now and then….
— And yeah Vokun played well too… but one goal?? That's still not gonna cut it more often then not…. again it's a win and you take it… but there's gonna be a lotta ugly nights with Elias out (again)

the Funny:
— it was quite amusing to see after some big saves and nice play both way to see the only goal scored on the goalie was a simple faceoff dot blast that gets a stick and just squeezes by Vaokun… go figure!!
— Well where to start tonight??
The crowd was kinda dead and we were too… though Patrick Davis blowing a tire and damn near smashing into Pando was funny… there wasn't a lot tonight… (hell even poor Clutch was in hiding tonight!!) but we got two gems for ya:
— Me and her LordShip went to the restaurant tonight to use my buy one get one coupon (was kinda nice to have something good given to me as a STH that wasn't demanded or bitched for by the people who buy tickets from me :p)… anyway… so for some reason the main area was "all reserved" (for a Panther game?? CMON)… so we got stuck in the bar area… by the kitchen… this was a good thing… there was a lil black woman yelling out some GEMS (I called her the kitchen Nazi, her job was to crack the whip and make all the cooks… well… cook and do their job)… and she let out some gems I tell ya!!
** "Yo these meatballs need a sista!!"
** "oh shit I needed a triplet"
** "Get this sista a finger and NOW!!!"
(I do recommend the bar seats for this amusement alone!)
— One thing that can't be left out was the standard badgering of Tasha (birthday tomorrow or not) and her Parise/Bergfors curse of not being able to see them score goals when she watches (and no assists don't count, i tried that rationalization… we know how well that works on women :-)… right?)… so we took turns trying to screen HER on the power play… the things we do for team and her sitting in the fetal position trying to cover her eyes… good stuff!! And it did lead to this semi-disgusting line:
Tasha: I wanna be in the middle of a Parise/Bergfors sandwich
Me: Well then ya might wanna start learning how to take faceoffs!!
(not exactly the way she wants the cream filling from a twisted oreo cookie)

…. well that was a nice easy way to shake off the hockey writing rust and get back to shit… back at it Friday Night!!!!

Thoughts from Section 209: Devils vs Penguins: 12/30/2009

Wow…. the last recap of 2009….(and sadly the end of the “REALLY??? …. in 2009???” comeback…. *sigh* we’ll miss you, but not the jean shorts that inspired them…..)….and what better way to end a decade, then a game like THIS??? Playoff crowd, semi-playoff atmosphere….playoff intensity on the ice… damn it gets ya excited for April doesn’t it??? And oh yeah.. ANOTHER SHUTOUT for those smug douche Pitt announcers to call right… ahhh it’s all good!!!!!

the Good:
— Before I start here (and yes this counts as good)… my friend Rob runs a charity hockey tournament in Woodbridge, NJ.. usually about every six months… and game 1 was today (my team won, and yes this is half the reason I am mentioning it)… and it is a good cause… so if you’re not doing anything tomorrow about 12:30… stop by… heckle… boo… cheer… just DONATE and do whatever the hell ya want… there’s a chance our little Winter Classic, may have some SNOW late in the 3rd Period http://www.fordscup.com/ has all the information…. come see me chase the all-time wins record (and try to lower the lowest GAA in the event’s history.. and pad my goalie scoring stats!)
— NO ANDREW PETERS!!! Instead of skating laps he should be made to tie jerseys down until his hands bleed!!!!! At least he admitted his own idiocy tonight!!!
— it’s funny, Jacques Lemaire bags on Nick Bergfors… and when he does, the fan base FREAKS OUT in fear that Lemaire is gonna “Brent Sutter” the kid… and well NO… there’s no exercise bikes involved, and Lemaire has the faith in his teachings to LET his rookies get REAL ICE TIME… and you know.. he like does that thing called COACHING and GETS THE MOST FROM HIS PLAYERS… and every time he bags on Bergofrs, the kid ANSWERS AND PERFORMS… so again, get off Jacques’ nuts… he shits more about hockey then you know in your little life!! (and 20 minutes of ice time, and he was awesome with Zajac and Parise)
— mb30.. holy shit were you GOOD tonight…. as the game got going more… SO DID YOU… and I bag on you… but this one was most credit worthy (and so was the slash at Rupp’s ankles!!), I just hope this playoff-like effort shows up for a long playoff run, one more time… (please… I might even use your name again!)
— ONE minor penalty taken and it was at the end of the game… that’s a good thing and discipline is HUGE when you play a team that can kill you on the pp like they can (I don’t care what their stats are I do NOT want to be the team that wakes them up and fixes them!)
— Oh Roderick Pelley… how we have a love/hate with you (and ok it’s hilarious to bag on Rob who hates him because he has Sesitito-envy)…. I was going to comment on him tonight… but our Lordship of Krang NAILED this one… so I let her speak:
Poor Pelley… i know he sucks, but he tries so hard and his heart is in the right place. AND he know how to dress himself! Zharky and Clarky have to go SOMEWHERE, and do you want Pelley and Pandolfo on the ice at the same time? hey, i say just enjoy the amusement from the line. Pelley gets a little more practice at center (and with some good players to support him), and it’s not like that’ll be a line for very long anyway! we may never see it again, in fact! (we kinda put this in the GOOD section so he doesn’t GET PIST at us and board us!)

the Bad:
— well I gotta say it… no matter how retarded good Brent Johnson was (and he WAS tonight)…. you HAVE to get more then one fluke goal past him in the game… that’s a kinda worrisome sight….
— Patrik Elias… is he hurt??? He seems slow out there…. is something else wrong?? He DID get 17 minutes tonight… but no shots and he just looked slow and kinda dead out there… something to be worried about… Elias and Rolston are gonna be needed to take the scoring pressure off the top line when the big Silver Cup Tournament begins in April….
— the power play stunk and ANOTHER 5 on 3 was wasted (you know the league knows your pp sucks when they put Cyndy Crosby in the damn box to put you up 5 on 3 and let the Golden Brat cry in the box for 2:00)
— *sigh* Clarkson got hurt again dammit…..Devils right wing David Clarkson reinjured his fractured right leg in tonight’s 2-0 over Pittsburgh and did not accompany the team to Chicago for Thursday’s game, a source said. Instead, Clarkson is to have his leg examined again by team doctors Thursday in New Jersey. Tonight’s game was just his second game back after missing 13 contests with a fractured right fibula. He was injured initially when he blocked a shot by Boston’s Zdeno Chara on Nov. 27.

the Funny:
— Well I had a unique group with me tonight… her Lordship as she does for all Wednesday Games….. Returning again “cover your eyes so Bergfors and Parise can score” aka Tasha (and man it was fun to yell all game long… GO TO THE BATHROOM, we need a Bergfors goal… yes I know he scored tonight… but someone was stuck on the escalator and never saw the puck hit the net… hell I had the row behind her cheering for it :)… and my 3rd… one of the people who’s known me the longest…holy shit was there in 1995 when the old CRASHER Line took off…. yeup… ex-fiancee #2 (and to be honest each and every one of you over her a debt of gratitude for getting me the HELL away from the first one :p)… and again she deserves credit…for an opposing team fan she got NO SHIT from the section….I guess a little coach purse incident kinda squashed that…..but still it’s kinda odd to hear the Beyonce song “single girls”… when you’re sitting with a girl you DID put a ring on it with :p
— Now for a little facebook, stream of conscious conversation……
** Me: Clarkaround sighting!!!
** Kristyn Holleran: how many times has the Clarkaround actually worked lol
** Me: How many goals does Clarkson have? Divide by two for toe-drags!
** Kristyn Holleran: i really dislike mike rupp
** Me: I like rupp, now that he’s in the other jersey!
** Chris McCabe: I like Rupp simply because he can score a hat trick against the Rangers….
** Kristyn Holleran: i’m just bitter than he was useless with us and is now 4th in the NHLfor shot % lol
** Me: Playing with 87 and 71 will do that :p
** Barry Meikle: Of course by useless you mean, scored the 2003 Cup winning goal. Good enough for me.
** Me: Dude if ya wanna be a one game wonder
THAT was the game of choice!
— and I’d be a fool to leave out Pete serenading Clutch to some creepy kinda love song (and even his voice failed him in the try), and not to mention the near-riot cause Pete stepped on a $900 coach-bag (allegedly)… one thing I learned this year… if you’re dumb and whipped enough to buy a girl THAT kinda stupid expensive gift… well then you better be all ready to pump yer fist and go all Guido Beach to defend that bag (really, you coulda had season tickets for THAT much)… but really… treat it like an autographed jersey of your favorite player… DON’T bring it to the hockey game… really, you’re just asking for some idiot to spill beer on it (and then you get stuck in the middle of the fight… and oi vey… whatta mess!!)

Man it was a good, but scattered night… and one more time… CLOSE YOUR EYES TASHA WE NEED A GOAL!!! (some people are just NOT team players I tell ya :p)… fun times… fun times… Everyone have a GREAT and smart New Year!! Back at you with a month in Review probably on Saturday!!!!

Lemaire touts success of 6-on-5 offense

NEWARK, N.J. — Jacques Lemaire’s radical new 6-on-5 approach to offense is paying dividends early and the New Jersey Devils coach says it won’t be long before other teams begin mimicking his strategy, much like the neutral zone trap in the 1990s.

“I’m amazed no one thought of it earlier,” Lemaire said ahead of Monday night’s game with the Philadelphia Flyers. “Six skaters on the ice at a time. It’s so simple and effective. It’s overpowering.”

The Devils will be vying to tie a league record 10th straight road win to start the season Monday and are riding an 8-game winning streak overall, which Lemaire largely attributes to having more players on the ice than his opposition at any given time.

Lemaire acknowledged that there have been some growing pains to playing the unorthodox style of hockey. The Devils have taken a league leading 647 too many men on the ice bench minors just 18 games into the season.

“Yea, the refs, they don’t really know what to do with it. They’ll come around though,” Lemaire said. “That’s what happens with every new idea though. Soon everyone will be doing it. If that happens, I might have to start throwing another goalie out there. Maybe send Arlette out to sing during penalty kills. There’s a lot of options with this.”

Devils leading scorer Zach Parise said it was tough to get used to a new system and a new coach, but believes the players have really bought into the system.

“It was weird at first,” Parise said. “At first, if you were the extra guy, Jacques would have you kind of hang back near the bench and act like you were talking to [Devils backup goaltender Yann] Danis, you know like you didn’t even realize you were on the ice. Then when the refs weren’t looking we’d just act like we’d been there the whole time.”

The Devils will skate without Patrick Elias on Monday, who is still nursing a bottle over the fact that Martin Brodeur didn’t invite him on his private jet to Lou Lamoriello’s Hall of Fame Induction. Additonally, center Travis Zajac will miss at least six months after farting without leaning and tearing both his MCL and ACLs, further compounding the team’s injury woes.

The team also put out a press release Sunday stating that the ban on Patricia Greuter, who has been repeatedly caught attempting to swap Martin Broduer’s MB30 mask for his old one, remains in effect and have asked Devils fans who see her near any games to report her whereabouts immediately.

Editor’s note: On the off chance anyone took this seriously..don’t. It’s fake. Get a sense of humor.

Thoughts from Section 209…. Devils/Rangers… weekend of sports hell…..

So let’s see….Devils lose twice… the only athlete who looked more pathetic this weekend then mb30, was that dumbo-looking idiot quarterback of mine in Dallas… the Hell Cell PPV was an organized train wreck that looked like it was booked by the Cowboys coaching staff… and now captain douchebag Brett Favre is walking over the team he played more retirement games then Roger Clemens!!! Oh holy shit I am in a warm and peppy mood for THIS game tonight…. if you don’t like bad language… GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!

The lines:
Parise-Zajac-Langenbrunner Rolston-Zubrus-Bergfors
Pandolfo-Niedermommy-Clarkson Peters-Pelley-Pikkachu (the P’s are for PISS POOR PLAYERS)

Martin-Oduya, White-Mottau, Salvador-Murphy

the Good:
— Bryce Salvador… he had an excellent game… smart plays… good D and some nasty shots….
— Johnny Oduya you get a complete and total free pass for tonight simply for turning and making Chris Drury into hamburger after he did his best Flozell Adams impression damn near taking Paul Martin’s leg off his body… good sign number two in this is the simple fact that this team would NEVER do this last year under Mister Roboto!!
— Danius Zubrus… he’s been flat out AWESOME so far and well he’s been… oh… we’re 0-2…. yeaahhhh, well dammit he’s still been good!!!
— Also gotta say Robbie Niedermommy is warming up to me (maybe it’s the number 21)… but that shifty dive to draw a penalty to negate what seems like the one penalty we DID kill, that was A Plus little thing stuff there! FB Commentary: “Rob was just an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire.” ….. my reply: “But I was fed a bad scouting report on him for years by a big-mouth stars fan now living in LA!!”
— Jacques Lemaire… he used his timeout wisely (TAKE THAT BRENT!)… he’s fooling with the lines… like I said before this team is a puzzle that has not been figured out (please play Zubrus with Rolston and Clarkson)… but I see difference in offensive plays… passes are a bit more creative… Martin and Oduya are up the ice….Oduya damn near scored on that shortie 2 on 1…. and I like the fact that we have a superior HOCKEY MIND behind the bench and a row of Hall of Famers in Support Structure!! This team will get figured out (and getting your all time leading scorer HELPS too), if these two losses were Montreal and Washington no one would be freaking!
— That Zajac goal speaking of passing and creative plays… that shit was as pretty as it get!! And since we still have our little Napoleon the announcer… least even HE knows it’s ZAJAC… no more yelling Shanahan mister!!!!!

the Bad:
— ok so right as the first period ends… I get a call from my sister (I usually go there for dinner on Monday Nights and bonding time with my three nieces.. YES I AM GOOD WITH SMALL CHILDREN… deal with this :p )….so my sister ended up making me feel like the sweatiest, nastiest ballbag on the planet (not on purpose mind you)…. but my nieces take turns on the phone
UNCLE SCOTT… where are you?? We miss you!! We love you!!! Why did you not come to dinner??
I had a hockey game …. oh… you were playing goalie??? (they don’t understand the whole pro sports thing… my family is kinda sport retarded until I get them into the NHL)… so I told them I was and they told me another hundred times they love me and miss me (hey least it’s a female saying it and meaning it :p)…. and I basically felt like scum the rest of the game…. NEXT TIME I have Dana put the game on and tell them Uncle Scott is the puffy guy wearing #30 (right now I might be better….)
— the power play… when you get a 5 on 3 and the other team gets called for ramming your goalie… YOU MUST SCORE A GOAL… period… no excuses.. I don’t wanna hear about players on ice or any of that shit… GET IT DONE!!
— the penalty kill…. yes Oduya got douched when he MANNED UP and pounded Drury into soft veal, but still again YOUR TEAM MUST GET YOUR BACK THERE AND KILL THE PENALTY and not pull a “34 second Flaming TODD” (sorry only 3 people get that… it’s epic funny! One of them WAS on facebook though…. “Steve LaFlamme Todd lasted loner than that…”)… not to mention… two of the three goals were let up on the power play…
— again when a team is struggling and trying to find itself (and this one IS do not doubt this)… the GOALIE HAS TO BE BETTER, the “best goalie in the world cause you can ask him and he’ll tell you”…. HAS TO BE ABOVE AVERAGE… hell average might be NICE now, though if this keeps up Team Canada is gonna laugh him off the roster, 2003 was a LONG LONG time ago… time to start playing to the level you THINK you’re at… ASSHOLE!!!!! My MB30 tolerance is THIN now….

the Funny:
— yes there was a lot of fun tonight…
— Lil Nicky did provide a lot of it:
1. “Is that crazy lady coming tonight?? She was funny!!! I want to know next time she’s coming!!”
2. Watching him cover his ears at the cursing towards Ranger Fans!
3. Waving the RANGERS SUCK thundersticks at the 500 pound Ranger fan (you ever see a guy so fat you can smell a stink on them? that was this dude….)
— My comment on the Niedermommy goal (did I mention the name STAYS??)
“We don’t need a hero… WE NIDERMOMMY!!!!! SCCCARRRRREEEE!!!!”
— Personal note to self and other guys…. its great to be a big fan and love the team and wear the red and black, but if you’re a guy and you wear the flashing devil horns…oh no, you’re gay dude!!
— Hey it could be worse…. we could be Oiler fans!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVEC4rNIiUA here…. go feel better!!!
— and hey… Sean Avery did miss the game with a torn and inflamed vagina… that always bring a chuckle!!!

Sorry guys… looks like 2man takes a nap until Oct 16 now…. If I did these road games as they went on with me watching them I’d get back into my OCD addiction issues I had in the pre-lockout CRASHER LINE days… I ain’t doing that no more (don’t worry there will be a random ROAD thoughts from a Section in Buffalo Dec 7th though!)… Comment away and let the shit fly!!