Archives for April 2007

Live-capping Game 3…sort of.

11:56 PM ET: One more little nugget of info for y’all before I head to bed. Joe and I would like to once again thank all the readers of the site, you guys and gals have been seriously awesome in this itty bitty blog’s short time on this here planet. As another month draws to a close, we are proud to announce that April has been our busiest month YET, totaling nearly 17,000 visits! I know, I know, it’s nothing to sneeze at or anything, but we’re certainly proud. This site has only been around about six months, and to build a blog from the ground up ain’t no easy task. To be mentioned on websites like MSG, Spector’s, The Score, and Kukla’s Korner is such an honor and accomplishment, for serious. And better yet, this blog would be NOTHING without the readers. We love each and every one of you and can’t wait to make that number go even higher yet! Night all!

9:50 PM ET:
Unless Joe does it, there won’t be a Game Breakdown tonight. I’ll do one tomorrow if my schedule allows it, but I’ve updated the site far too much today that I’m just going to take the rest of the night off. Sleep could do me well.

Ugh.

9:33 PM ET: Joke. Purely a joke. Great to see a brilliant performance by Martin Brodeur overshadowed by (once again) bad officiating and a shaky netminder in Ray Emery. You know what though, Emery could have just stood there all night scratching his head and still would have gotten a shutout. Ridiculous. And to boot, our offense apparently was bi-polar to the max. You just can’t skate out there, give it your all, and then forget you’re even playing hockey the rest of the time, only to come back in strong and knock the opposition’s socks off. What a disgusting game to watch.

9:23 PM ET:
Huge opportunity to tie the game Part 2.

9:19 PM ET:
Way to ruin your best shot at tying the game, boys. Jeez…

9:09 PM ET:
Devils are being outplayed tremendously. There ain’t a physical edge right now, the Sens are seriously downright dominating the poor lil Devils physically. Ugh. Let’s stop with the pretty stuff and just GET TO THE NET any way possible now. And for Lord Stanley’s sake, throw a HIT someone!

9:04 PM ET:
Le sigh. I’m seriously bumming now. 1-0 Senators in the third.

Dive or no?8:41 PM ET: That’s more of what I’d like to see. Much better period by the Devils, the top line has life! Marty continues to shine, that’s always nice, and Emery? Dude is giving up some gigantic rebounds and his glove ain’t looking so hot. Pounce boys, pounce!Word out of Ottawa is that Comrie had to leave the ice not once, but twice due to injury. What a bone-head.

8:23 PM ET:
Mr. Bechtel is under the impression that Comrie’s fall into the boards courtesy of Mr. ‘chuk was more or less a dive. Upon further review, I tend to want to agree. But why throw yourself into the boards, potentially seriously injuring yourself? Mr. Comrie ain’t the smartest cookie, is he?

8:15 PM ET: Comrie is a little fire ball out there tonight, ain’t he? Yikes.

8:09 PM ET:
Oh my goodness my heart just stopped. Marty, amazing play. And also…Marty…don’t EVER do that again.Memo to Mike Comrie: You guys might be on cable right now, but the kiddies are still up! Watch the F Bombs! HA!

7:50 PM ET:
Scoreless after one. Vermette is a piece of garbage for whacking the puck into the net after the buzzer clearly went off. That’s how goalies get hurt, buddy. The referees really need to step in now, if Ottawa is going to keep on whacking at Marty after the whistle, someone needs to get a penalty. Granted, it’ll likely be Scott Gomez or something, but nonetheless, call the damn game like it should be called.Ugh.

Onto my next gripe…The Devils need to, uh, start playing some hockey.

Marty can only be God for so long. The Senators WILL score and score often on him if this keeps up. I was quite shocked to see Gomez actually backcheck on a play, but then he had to ruin my buzz and take a “Johnny Oduya” penalty — no, not two for being Swedish, but a hooking call. Stop it with the hooking, boys!

Start of the second soon. The boys better come out flying, cause while this game may be 0-0 on the scoreboard, it’s easily in Ottawa’s favor right now. Strong start boys, strong start!

Oh wait…we’re killing a penalty…poop.
_________

Unfortunately I cannot be in two places at once despite my best efforts, but I will try to live-cap as much as possible for the duration of the game.

Which, by the way, do the Devils know that the game started at 7 PM ET? Seriously. They’re getting their asses handed to them by Ottawa right now. It easily should be 1-0 Sens if it weren’t for a whistle-happy official.

Get your butts in gear, boys. This is not acceptable.

Shameless Self-Promotion?

YESSS!You like us, you REALLY like us!!

Add THE SCORE.ca to our list of readers, we just got quoted by Bob Coatsworth in his Blog round-up! Oh, and to boost my ego even more, one of our pictures was used in the article!

CHECK IT OUT: April 30th of The Playoffs (link opens in new window)

2MA vs. Sens Army: Part 2

And we’re back with Part 2 of our Q and A session with Ben from Sens Army. I hit him hard with some awesomingly thought-provoking questions, and I gotta say, he held up strong under pressure! Here’s what our Senator-loving friend had to say:

PATRICIA INTERVIEWS BEN!!

2MA PATRICIA: Yous guys are coming into this series as the literal underdog, but the whole NHL world knows what’s really goin’ down here — the Senators are pretty much the favorite in this series. What are your thoughts?
SENS ARMY BEN: People from New jersey actually talk like that? “Yous guys”? You even spell it?! Awesome. Anyway… There was some debate about this ‘underdog status’ before the Pittsburgh series, but thankfully that issue has faded away. Most of the media and fans in Ottawa have realized that both the Devils and the Senators are capable of winning this series – it’s just a matter of who steps up to the challenge. Those psychological games have faded away in Round 2.

Nobody likes you, just go away. Seriously.2MA: So, we’ve seen the same story for a few years now, Senators come into the playoffs like a monster of a team, putting up huge numbers during the regular season and showing they really are the real deal…and then, they fall flat on their faces. As a Devil fan who has dealt with the crushing blows of disappointing playoff performances in the past, I feel your pain. Do you think this year is different though, and why?

SENS ARMY: Not entirely different, but modified, like when Optimus Prime replaces his arm with a bazooka. For one thing, the Senators didn’t win a thing this regular season; not the President’s trophy, not the Eastern Conference or even the Northeast Division title (keep in mind the Sabres are in the Northeast too), that has got cut into the ego of a team that has destroyed the Eastern Conference for the two previous seasons.

Secondly, after the lockout the Senators got a new coach: Bryan Murray – he’s a real hardass. Last year his tough philosophy was rejected by many players. At the beginning of this season the Senators lost Zdeno Chara, and Martin Havlat, and they were replaced by Dean McAmmond, Joe Corvo and Tom Preissing – notice a regional difference here? North Americans, who, presumably, want to win the Stanley Cup as much as the fans in Ottawa. In the off-season sens’ GM John Muckler stated that he wanted a more mobile defense, and offensive defensemen like Corvo (who you’ll often see rush up the ice on his own) and Preissing (who finished the season +30 or so) fit that mould. If Bryan Murray can get Jason “drop-pass no-look” Spezza to buy into a physical, defensively responsible game then the sens are getting some defence from the forwards and some offense from the D – a potent combo. Unlike last season, the Senators didn’t kick ass all this regular season. About 20 games in, the Senators were doing terribly and there were calls for Alfredsson’s head, as well as GM John Muckler. They have faced adversity this season unlike previous versions of the Sens.

2MA: I know, I know, you bleed red and black…oh wait…those are the Devils colors too…uh, well, okay, so you bleed, uh, SENS red and black (there we go!), but at the end of the day, which goalie’s coat tails would you rather ride to Stanley Cup glory — Mr. Martin Brodeur or Mr. Ray Emery?

Another great in the making?SENS ARMY: Well there’s no question that Brodeur is the more established goaltender, but Ray Emery has the ability to win games on his own when hot. Would I trade Emery for Brodeur? Certainly – anyone in their right mind would. But does Brodeur have a theme song? Sens fans are hoping for a Cam Ward-like performance from Rayzor. But in Ottawa we don’t really base a team’s success rate solely on the goaltender’s performance (but don’t tell that to Patrick Lalime.)

2MA: Your team is in quadruple overtime and the opposition is breathing down your neck…you need that go-to guy to get the job done. Who’s your hero? And similarly, who do you think is the most, or POTENTIALLY most lethal player left in the playoffs?
SENS ARMY: The Senators will live and die with Daniel Alfredsson. Alfie, Alfie, he’s our man, if he can’t do it no one can! (well no one on the Senators).

Most lethal left in the playoffs? Teamu Selanne rings a bell, Jagr is a solid pick, and for the wildcard, Jason Spezza – he has the talent to go end-to-end and score a goal, it only happens once per season but when it happens even the Devils’ fans jaws will drop. He’s lethal like a snake that only makes enough venom for one bite per year.

2MA: Everyone else has something to say about it, so let’s just get this question out of the way — what are your thoughts on the NHL’s less-than-amazing attendance figures? You being a Sens blogger and me a Devils’, we really come from two completely different sides of the coin. Let’s face it, your building could easily sell out three times over, and ours, well, is on life-support when it comes to attendance figures. Buuuut, in our defense, for what butts we DO have in the seats, our fans are as loud and supportive as they come. Quality over quantity, right? …or am I just sugercoating a dire situation?
SENS ARMY: You may not hear it in the ‘States, but Gary Bettman is a (expletive deleted) moron. He attempted to sell the game to locations that never see ice, even on their coldest days. Solid, passionate, small-market teams like Winnipeg were moved to Phoenix – hockey makes front pages in Canada, does the city of Phoenix know that their team is coached by Wayne “Jesus on skates” Gretzky? Do they even know they have a team? Honestly, I would have little sympathy if New Jersey or Phoenix or LA moved their team – would the city even miss them? Quality is great, but no matter how loud you are, each fan only pays for one ticket.

2MA: If the Senators did happen to fall in the post season, which team would you grudgingly root for?
SENS ARMY: Probably any remaining Canadian team – Vancouver I guess.

2MA: At that same token, do you think this is Buffalo’s year?
SENS ARMY: Very nice. But we’ve seen great regular seasons fall apart too many times in Ottawa – ask me after the Cup has been handed out.

2MA: Senators aside, what has been your favorite playoff storyline of ’07?
SENS ARMY: The goalie duel between Luongo and Turco in Round 1 of Vancouver vs Dallas was quite a story line, especially considering it was Luongo’s first taste of the playoffs. The fact that Anaheim (one of those previously mentioned no-ice towns) is so strong is surprising – nicely done (Ducks GM) Brian Burke!

2MA: Thoughts on the officiating thus far in the post season? If you ask me, some of these referees need to be brought out back and pelted with smelly, rotten tomatoes. Seriously.

Ha-HA!SENS ARMY: I scream ‘WEAK!!’ at the TV at least 3 times per period because of the questionable calls that occur each and every game. But it’s consistently retarded… at least it’s uniform.

2MA: And finally, what is your favorite part about this time of year?
SENS ARMY: The fact that there’s hockey every night, and a sens game nearly every-other night, and the Leafs are nowhere to be seen.

Much thanks again to Ben and Sens Army!

2MA vs. Sens Army: Part 1

Oh, we don’t have a problem whatsoever with Sens Army, they just happen to be rooting for the wrong team. Oh, snap!

I kid, I really do. We love all of the hockey blogs out there, and it really is great to see what the opposition’s fans have to say. During the playoffs, we’ve been sifting through some of the blogs and finding a couple sites that we really wanted to showcase and poke fun at (kidding!), and in the process we’ve met some really awesome bloggers. Ben over at the Sens Army came up with the idea of doing a little Q and A with the enemy and we just couldn’t say no…who doesn’t love cross-promotion, right? Ha!

Without further ado, here’s Part 1 of the Q and A:

BEN INTERVIEWS PATRICIA!!!!

I'm the best goalie ever.SENS ARMY BEN: Who is the backup goalie for the Devils and does he know how to skate?
2MA PATRICIA: Believe it or not, I am actually the backup goalie for the Devils. My skating abilities aren’t the best in the world, but if Marty did happen to die on ice, I think we’d have a relatively decent shot with me between the pipes.

…or, more likely, I’d be decapitated by the first Dany Heatley shot that whizzed my way.

SENS ARMY: Who are the Devils’ Leafs? (ie: a team that you would like to spontaneuosly combust and then piss on the ashes)
2MA: We Devils fans tend to really not like the Philadelphia Flyers. It’s more or less a ‘hey, your fans are assholes’ type of deal though. Honestly, don’t really have too much of a problem with the team itself, and without Floppa on the team anymore to make fun of, there isn’t much I can really do with Philly right now. There were times when we could say the Rangers, Leafs, and to an extreme lesser extent, the Hurricanes were our ‘jeez, the league would be better if you didn’t exist’ teams, but unfortunately, that heat just ain’t there anymore. It’s quite disappointing, really.

SENS ARMY: Who is the Devil’s #1 D-man that will be assigned to shut-down the Spalfredheat line? (It’s the best name we have so far – Spezza, Alfredsson, Heatley)
2MA: Wow, the sheer awesomeness of that name took my breath away for a second. Whew. The best we seem to have right now is the “ZZ-Pop line” for our wonderful Parise-Zajac-Langenbrunner line. I hate it.

Alas, to answer the question at hand, I’d have to give the #1 D-man responsibility to Johnny Oduya.

…just kidding.

Hearts for Rad Brad and Mr. 'chuk!No, really, I think Richard Matvichuk and Brad Lukowich are two key players for the Devils. Number one defensemen they are not, but they’re some of the only size we have left these days and Mr. ‘chuk seems to be amazingly versatile for a man who is coming off of a dangerous, sometimes career ending season-long salary cap injury. Brian Rafalski is our poor man’s Scott Niedermayer, and I’ll tell you what — I sure as hell miss Nieds. Stupid Ducks…

SENS ARMY: Now that Scott Steven is gone, who is most likely to end someone’s career (and possibly life) with a hit?
2MA: If I didn’t say Cam Janssen, all of Toronto Maple Leaf nation would threaten to end MY life. I’m still bitter about that, you know. Yes, I will FULLY admit it was a late hit on Mr. Kaberle, but dude hit the boards awkwardly! Can’t fault Janssen for an awkward fall! Yeah, we can get super technical and say that if Cammie J never hit Kaberle to begin wtih, then he wouldn’t have nearly snapped his neck against the boards, but you know what? That’s hockey. You live with it, you die by it. Hockey’s a rough sport. Deal.

SENS ARMY: What’s the state of NHL hockey in New Jersey? We see alot of empty seats on TV…

It might take a Cup Finals game, but we CAN sell out!

2MA: Yeah, uh, we kind of have a problem getting butts in the seats. Have you seen the sorry state our arena is in though,a nd I don’t mean the state of New Jersey itself wise-akers! Seriously, the arena is in the middle of nowhere and worse yet, in the middle of all that nowhere, there’s a gigantic sea of parking garage construction. We got this whole Xanadu garbage going on now — the Devils are getting a new arena in Newark and the remnants of the Continental Arena are turning into some super mall or something…I don’t know. Thing is, the fans (yes, we HAVE fans) just don’t want to spend $150+ to sit in an eyesore of an arena in the middle of swamps and parking garage construction. And, really, there ain’t much to exactly entice the fans either. I mean, seriously, when unscrambling the name “COLIN WHITE” on the jumbotron is the best you have to offer for entertainment value outside of the game itself, there’s something seriously wrong.

SENS ARMY: I once called the NJ Devils “laziest team in hockey” and “from a pure spectator perspective, they produce the worst hockey games in the NHL” – do they deserve the reputation as a defense-first team?
2MA: Hardly. Long gone are the days of Scott Stevens, Scott Niedermayer, and Ken Daneyko. When your top defensive unit more or less consists of Colin White and Brian Rafalski, you’re NOT a defense-first team. Problem is, we, uh, kind of aren’t really an offense-first team either. At the end of the day, it comes down to Marty. Marty stinks up the joint, the team obviously begins to falter. He shines, the rest of the team shines. Really, if it were possible for a goalie to be the Cap’n, he’d be ours. Patrik Elias isn’t exactly a Joe Sakic or Steve Yzerman, you know? I’m just not quite sure how to really describe this particular New Jersey Devils team. We’ve seen huge offensive threats like the 2001 team (a la A-Line and Mogilny/Gomez), and we’ve seen defensive domination like the shutdown capabilities of Stevens, Niedermayer, and the John Maddens and Jay Pandolfos of 2003, but the 2007 team is in a class of its own…and I’m not quite sure that’s a good OR bad thing.

SENS ARMY: If the Devils don’t win the series will Lou Lamoirello look like a total ass for firing Julien?

Did he ever smile though?2MA: Not at all. Claude Julien never found a place with the team. Believe it or not, a lot of Devils fans called for Julien’s firing merely WEEKS into the season…a bit much, eh? Well, sure, they didn’t really give Claude much of a chance but I think their initial thoughts of him were on point — he never really fit with the team. There are two extreme sides of coaching — you have the hard-ass-bad-guys and the I’m-going-to-be-your-best-friend-guys. In between, theres a whole mess of variation. The Devils actually need one extreme or the other — the Pat Burnses (Bad Cop) and the Larry Robinsons (Good Cop). Claude was more or less a “hey, I’m here if you guys need me, but I’m going to let you make the decisions and whatever that decision is, I’ll be okay with it” kind of guy…it didn’t work. Some teams, it would work, but for New Jersey, it’s gotta be one way or the other. Does that, uh, make sense at all? Ha.

Whew, that was fun, I’m definitely looking forward to grilling your butt in Part 2 of our Q and A! Stay tuned, we’re not done yet!


I need to [email protected]

You know what time it is!It’s apparent the Ottawa Sun hates us. No worries, really. I otherwise would not care very much about what some bitter Canadian columnist had to say about the Devils, but Mr. Earl McRae takes the oh-so-delicious cake.

THIS (link opens in new window) is what I’m referring to, folks.

So, apparently, New Jerseyans are two crayons shy of an empty box.

Reeeeeeeeeally?

I’m gonna have to RANT ’bout this one!

WARNING: THIS RANT CONTAINS GRAPHIC LANGUAGE AND IMAGERY. CONTINUE IF YOU ARE A PERVERT…JAY-KAY ABOUT THE PERVERT PART. CLICKY THE MORE TO READ THE FUN STUFF: [Read more…]

GAME TWO BREAKDOWN (and we’re tied!)

Being tied 1-1 is oh-so-much better than being in the hole 0-2, ain’t it? Ya’ll ready? I think so. Well, here we go, it’s time for 2 Man Advantage’s Playoff Breakdown: The Awesome, the Not So Awesome, and the Downright Ridiculous!

THE AWESOME: Jamie Langenbrunner’s heroics.

After mightily disappointing fans in the I’m A Hero Department, Jamie finally pulled through and netted what easily can be deemed New Jersey’s most important goal of the 2007 playoffs. The fact that his tally easily made Ray Emery look like a fool just made things all the much better. I love it, and you should too.

Seriously, though, Mr. Langenbrunner couldn’t have picked a better time to shine. Despite Joe Corvo’s best attempt at hooking the poop out of Langs, he found a way through the Ottawa zone a la Gomez Style-e and, well, scored. Oh, and Mr. Corvo — sorry, but violently knocking the net off its moorings really isn’t going to do much once the puck is already easily past the goal line. Nice try though. Oh, I jest!
Take THAT!

Alas, the boys needed a hero, and since the Cap’n was too busy with Kleenex shoved up his nose to notice, Jamie had to suffice.

Okay, so maybe Patty didn’t have a wad of tissue in his nostrils, but all the same, right?

THE NOT SO AWESOME: Letting the Sens tie the game with like-no-time-left in regulation.

Last thing you want to do is give the Ottawa Senators of all friggen teams a chance to get back in the game. With about nine million Devils in front of Marty and a couple more Sens sprinkled in the mix, Dany Heatley managed to find a way to awkwardly deflect the puck off of MVP-Goalie and into the net. It was quite disappointing, really. The boys looked lazy on the whole play. I really didn’t appreciate the lack of clearing attempts, nor did I appreciate their skill for simply standing on the ice with their thumbs up their butts, looking up at the scoreboard and hoping that maybe the Sens would bow out gracefully. Let’s face it, despite his best attempts, Marty is not God.

Buuuuuuuut….

THE DOWNRIGHT RIDICULOUS: Martin Mother F’n Brodeur.

I’m pretty sure he made close to eight million saves tonight.

Really.

Okay, maybe seven million, but he was seriously more than awesome tonight. Bouncing back strong after giving up a not-so-awesome five goals in the series opener, Marty propelled himself back into awesome territory by finishing the night with a seriously awesome 43 saves. That’s a lot of rubber…and a lot of use of the word ‘awesome.’

It makes me happy to see our Vezina goalie actually play like a worthy Vezina winner. Yes, he did make some solid saves after giving up a ba-gillion goals in Game 1 to, believe it or not, keep the Devils in the contest, but unfortunately he did give up one (or five) goals too many to come away with a big, fat Double-Ya. Hey, water under the bridge now though, right?

He made some key saves tonight, and I’ll give him all the credit in the world, especially since his playoff OT record ain’t so hot. I’ll take any playoff overtime win this man can get, because, well, there sure aren’t going to be a lot of them.

But all is well with the world, because New Jersey’s finest are tied one-all with Ottawa’s finest and we got ourselves a SERIES on hand now! Going to Canada for Game 3 is going to be one fun affair…and yes, Sens fans, I know it would be so easy to throw in a Marty-Affair joke right there, but come on friends, that was so three years ago.

To Ontario we go!

Live-capping Game 2…or not.

11:45 PM ET: Hoo-boy, what an ending that was. Nice to see Jamie L come through, took him long enough, eh? More to come in the Game Breakdown!

PS~Much love to Mr. Corvo courtasy of 2 Man Advantage. Tee-hee.

11:29 PM ET:
This seriously does not bode well for my heart nor my stomach. My poor body.

Well, one overtime down. Devils didn’t look too bad, and I did have to giggle a bit at Ottawa for taking a too many men penalty in the extra session. Those are always fun. Granted, the Devils kinda sorta shoulda had one as well, but I won’t tell if you don’t. To 2OT we go…

Oh come on.10:35 PM ET: Welp, I’m pretty much thinking 2-0 series lead for Ottawa at this point. Great way to let Ottawa creep back into the game and eventually tie it with, what, like 20 seconds left in the third? Nice. Really, nice boys. Oh, and Mr. Gionta — goal or not, you’re on the crap list right now for taking a penalty at the end of regulation. Overtime power plays to Ottawa are not exactly where the party’s at, mmkay? Seriously, Where’s Jeff Friesen when you need him? Better step it up, boys. Otherwise, I will kick each and every one of your asses. And I totally mean it.

9:12 PM ET:
Apparently my TV has other plans. No sound = no live-capping. Yeah, I can watch the game and all, but I just cannot pack as much punch into my words than if I had the lovely sounds of Steve and Chico echoing in the background. I will recap the game, no worries, but the live-cap will unfortunately have to wait until Game 3. Poo.


8:52 PM:
Oops. Sorry folks, wasn’t near the computer for the first period. I shall be live-capping from the second period on. I totally promise. Be back soon!

Yuckys!Well, Joe will be at the game tonight, but me? Sorry to say, I had to turn down a ticket offer to tonight’s game due to lackage-of-money..age.

It’s really sad, isn’t it?

But from bad news sparks good news, as your favorite live-capper will be ranting and raving like a mad(wo)man tonight during the game, so all is well with the world.

If Elias sits out tonight, I will be one unhappy Devils fan. Granted, reports indicate he will play tonight, so he better be on that damn horrible New Jersey ice tonight. Alas, Joe, you better bring the Advil Cold and Sinus with you…and be more than ready to pelt it at the Cap’n if you so happen to see him wandering the stands.

And I will hold you to that, Mr. Bechtel.

GAME 2: “The Do-Over”

You spin me righ..nevermind.For anyone who has ever worked in the retail industry for any substantial amount of time, the word “inventory” is enough to make a grown man cry. In my case, gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon. Several 14-hour shifts later, I am freeeee!!! God help you all.

Enough with the excuses, let’s get down to business. So, everyone is up to date on the bet that Mr. Brodeur and Mr. Emery agreed on, correct? Ya know, the one about who could out-suck the other one? Incase you missed it, Brodeur totally won. Although credit Ray: at times he did make Sens fans wish for Patrick Lalime back. 😉

Gambling addictions aside, the New Jersey Devils are going to have to come out and play some seriously inspired hockey if they want to play another game in Continental Airlines Arena. Granted the semi-comeback was nice and all, but it takes a full 60 to beat a team like Ottawa. Yes, boys, I’m afraid that means you have to play the 1st Period as well as the next two. Sorry, that’s how the playoffs work.

Hopefully the Devils will get a shot in the arm, as reports indicate that Captain Sniffles will be back in the lineup tonight, bringing some coordination back to the Devils offense. Dude, have you ever heard of AIRBORNE?! Seriously, it’s obviously a lot better than whatever you were taTools of ignorance.king. (And you don’t have to give the government a DNA sample to purchase some!)

So here’s your chance, guys. Treat Game 2 like the ol’ “Do-Over” shot you were awarded with when a car suddenly interrupted your breakaway in the glory days of Major League Street Hockey.

Marty, that means you might wanna invest in a new glove. Or some bigger shoulder pads. Last time your glove side was picked more than a Jason Newsted bass solo. Brutal, man!

Grr…

Stupid Devils.

Pre-Game Buzz: Cap’n out, Mr. Anger Management in

What else is new?Well folks, we’re only a few hours away from Game 1, and I bring you the unfortunate news that Patrik Elias will not be in the lineup tonight. Why? Poor Cap’n has a “head cold.”

Yeah, sure…

My guess, his butt probably fell off. You know, it’s hard to play without a butt. Hip checks might be quite difficult to execute without a butt, I’d reckon.

Aside from such sad news, we bring you another bit of info — Mr. Anger Management himself should be dressing tonight. That’s right folks, Colin White is back.

I know, I said I wouldn’t make any predictions when it came to this series, but I do have one trick up my sleeve. My crystal ball tells me that Colin will likely skate no more than a period and a half of hockey and have to leave the game with some sort of groin problem or back spasms.

Ha! Hey, who knows…

Alas, me thinks the Devils will possibly dress seven defenseman tonight, ’cause, well, there ain’t no way Mattie is sitting. Throw Oduya away for all I care, but Mr. ‘chuk is untouchable right now, got it?

I guess it’s possible to see Marshy tonight, but I doubt it. If so, it’ll be nice to welcome a familiar face back into the lineup. Yeah, he’s no Jeff Friesen, but he’s good for an overtime goal or two, right? Right? Anyone?

Okay, in all seriousness, it does appear that David Clarkson will be making his postseason debut tonight. Yay for him.

Mmm drugs...But, uh…I think we might be in trouble.

Okay, Mr. Elias, I know you have a “head cold” and all, but take some damn Advil and get your butt on the ice.

If you still, you know, have a butt, that is…