I Just Couldn’t Resist.

Clearly, I need not remind you that updates around here have been few and far between this off-season. So given the fact that I am suffering from a writer’s block that could easily be mistaken for the after-effects of a lobotomy, you could imagine how I reacted when I read this.

It was too good to be true… just the thing I needed to get myself going!

But where oh where do I begin?? Maybe I should compliment the author on his prodigious use of the English language and befitting grammar. Perhaps I could chalk his argument up to the rose-tinted glasses he so blatantly dons. Tempting? Yes. However, doing so is far too pellucid. That being the case, allow me to generalize my rebuttal: Michael M. Ramos, you are a cretin.

use it, don't abuse it!

I should have halted my eyes when I realized that the opening argument against New Jersey was the ol’ “Mickey Mouse” comment. (Although I can’t blame the poor chap, it was either that or the infamous attendance crack…). Granted that 1983-84 season was dismal… but since tallying 7 Division Titles, 4 Conference Championships, 3 Stanley Cups, and a four-year winning streak over the New York Rangers, I think it’s time to put that comment to bed, eh? If those credentials make the Devils a “Mickey Mouse” franchise, then the New York Rangers should be branded as the NHL equivalent of John Holmes with Erectile Dysfunction — nothing more than a marquee name that can’t live up to the glitz and glamor.

As if citing a 25-year-old Wayne Gretzky faux-pas wasn’t bad enough, now we have to deal with the Barry Melrose factor. First of all… the words “Barry” and “Melrose” are meant to be used solely in conjunction with “pompous ass” at all times. Yes, Mr. Melrose did make a comment to the effect of “Don’t carry your wallet with you when visiting Newark“. But how convenient of you, Michael, to conveniently forget to mention the part about Barry admitting, after the fact, that he had never even been to Prudential Center and thusly accepted a tour of the city from Mayor Corey Booker that he thoroughly enjoyed. I guess it’s fitting you find his words worthwhile.

On a somewhat related note, the “closing” of Prudential Center this summer that you refer to was merely due to technicalities because of documents not being turned in on time, not for “endangering the lives of all those who attend.”

Wow…all this, and we haven’t even hit the ice yet!

Now, I cannot sit here and say to you with a straight face that I am not disappointed by watching the likes of Scott Niedermayer, Brian Rafalski, and Scott Gomez leave the team after such memorable moments. What I can say to you, is that they (with the exception of Niedermayer) left for a big paycheck elsewhere. I would rather have a group of guys that are willing to compete fiercely every shift for a shot at glory than have a roster full of Scott Gomez’s that feel they deserve a $10 million paycheck for 13 goals. While I admit that Lou Lamoriello hasn’t exactly struck gold in the FA market since the lockout, and I won’t sit here and feed you some bullsh!t about me liking Vlad Malakhov, I will point out how you graciously opted to ignore the addition of Brian Rolston not even a month ago. Not a wise move. Not a wise move at all.

Others like Grant Marshall, Brad Lukowich, and Richard Matvichuk were victims of the new Salary-Cap era, not roster eviscerations. Speaking of the Salary Cap, I’d be a little worried if I were you, Mr. Ramos, as it seems that the Rangers have over $145 million combined tied up in 5 players until the 2013-2014 season. Not to mention The Rangers will be paying Bobby Holik even more than we are this season, and he’ll be playing for US! What were you saying about ludicrous signings? 2002 wasn’t that long ago.

It’s obvious that down in Lowell things haven’t been all roses, but saying that the team is filled with “old AHL players without any chance to make it to the NHL” is a little much… I mean, you did just sign Aaron Voros didn’t you?? Delving further into the minor leagues, I’d like to point out that the Trenton Devils of the ECHL will not be kicked out of their building… it is nothing more than a rumor. And a weak one at that.

Allow me to end this with some blogger-to-blogger advice… An article meant to ridicule a rival that is devoid of facts and supporting arguments is about as effective as a mesh condom. The next time you are going to write a whole bunch of smack, it might be a good idea to at least do your homework.

Comments

  1. Whoever wrote that piece is obviously a homer. Don’t pay it any heed.

    But yes…wow.

    ~Chris @ pittsburghpucktalk.com

  2. Steve Stirling says:

    Bravo! Bravo!

    What a dolt.

  3. Brilliant. A classic.

    Also, rebuttal to end all rebuttals: You’re paying Bobby Holik more than we are this year. I love it.

  4. Doing your homework before writing a bunch of smack. Yup, that is true no matter what the subject matter is.

    Man, I could feel my IQ dropping reading that.

  5. Thanks guys 🙂

    Erik — after reading Outside The Garden, or my piece?! lol…

  6. I don’t know guys, I was pretty worried about the influence of Daneyko’s sobriety on our PP next season. And we all know how harshly Melrose’s asinine quotes cost teams in the playoffs.

    I was alomst expecting him to say the Ranger’s dad could beat up our dad.

  7. This was a hilariously refreshing piece. Even if you’re not a huge fan of hockey and had to wiki half of the references, this literary ass kicking was a joy to read. Only in 2MA…only in 2MA…

  8. Usually I would look at this and say typical Ranger fan bs but it went further than that. Like you said, do your homework. Bravo on a very well thought out rebutal…

  9. Thank You!!!!! That was one of the best rebuttals against the Rags I have ever read, it is a classic. Its funny how logic never has any part in the Rags orginazation nor the cheap shots from their fans.

  10. 1) No way can anyone look at each of the Atlantic teams rosters and say the Isles are better than the devils?
    2) We’ve been predicting the demise of New Jersey for the past 2 years so we’re hesitant to say it again, but can they expect Marty to carry them once again?

  11. Well played sir.

  12. Steve Stirling says:

    I guess I’ll have to shelf my upcoming bombshell article “The New York Rangers will suck in 2008-09 because in 1999 they drafted Pavel Brendl, which turned out to be a mediocre move at best.”

    With dynamite stuff like outsidethegarden.com out there I just cant compete.

  13. lol Nicely done!

  14. To Joe: after reading Outside The Garden, of course. lmao

  15. Nice work Joe. I’m piling on this at ILWT. Let’s get the word out and continue the pile!

  16. John,

    Thank you!! If you haven’t already, check out the comments left on Ramos’ entry @ Outside The Garden. A few people have linked the article in the comments section and telling him he got owned 😉

    Joe

  17. mrsheeps says:

    omgwtfpwnt

  18. 2 men in elias says:

    I’m glad that 2 men in elias is a place for unbiased sports news. Signing Rolston and Holik was awesome since they will be exactly the same players they were in the days of clutch and grab and the “Rock” will be full of Devil fans all year long!

    You really got that Ramos guy with that Gomez remark. With a guy like Elias who was captain, then had the C ripped off of his chest, those are the exact guys you want to build a team around.

    I doubt my comment will last long on the board since you apparently believe in communist style censorship, but let journalists who get paid do the objective articles and let bloggers voice their opinions on opinionated web sites.

  19. 2 men – we screen comments to prevent spam from getting through. That said, I will not tolerate comments containing personal attacks or homophobic/racial slurs, which we’ve gotten quite a bit of over the past day or two.

    I’ll always allow others to say their piece, and if Rangers fans want to get a word in, by all means, go for it. But please have patience and know that we DO screen comments to prevent spam, and that if the comments are personal in nature, they won’t make it through. This goes for Devils fans as well as fans of any other team.

  20. Ok, I’ll be the first to ask…
    What was Joe doing reading Rangers blogs in the first place? 😉

  21. 2 men – The offense has been built around Elias, for better or worse, since 2001 (when he starred on the A Line). I don’t think it’s been a bad thing.

    Also: I love it when people use terms like “communist” when they clearly don’t know what it means.

  22. 2 man-

    Yeah, I don’t know who in their right mind would sign over-the-hill players to big contracts and expect big results. See:
    – Lindros, Eric
    – Fleury, Theo
    – Bure, Pavel
    – Skrudland, Brian
    – Messier, Mark
    – Gretzky, Wayne
    – Carter, Anson
    – Courtnall, Russ
    – Daigle, Alexander
    – De Vries, Greg
    – Dunham, Mike
    – Kasparitis, Darius
    – Ozolinsh, Sandis
    – Lafontaine, Pat
    – MacLean, John
    – Driver, Bruce
    – Malakhov, Vladimir
    – Shanahan, Brendan
    – Stevens, Kevin
    – REDDEN, WAYNE

  23. Rico Suave says:

    I’m having flashbacks to when the rangers knocked us out of the playoffs at the rock. i blame myself for that though, thinking i could talk intelligent hockey with ranger fans when they beat us. they have the most over inflated egos about their team, and discredit every devil’s accomplishment. i’ll just sit back with satisfaction knowing the second things don’t go their way, they will crawl back into their holes and stop talking hockey. i live in ny, but NY fans are the worst in every sport. fans only care when their team does well, and simply never mention them when they do poorly.

    please keep a link to that guys page so we can post monthly standing updates on his board.

  24. Frisby,

    He was probably reading a rangers blog because unlike some *ahem* other teams fans, most Devils fans i’ve met actually care about the sport as a whole and want to know whats going on around the league, specially if it pertains to an arch rival.:)

  25. NEWARK SMELLS says:

    HEY MY OTHER RESPONSES WERENT PUT ON ? HMMMMM….. TRUTH HURTS !

  26. Newark – That would be because your other comments were the ones I was referring to earlier. Keep it clean and we’ll have no problems.

    You also might want to try shutting off your caps lock key.

  27. NEWARK SMELLS says:

    My comments were clean. Truthful but clean

  28. At least one wasn’t, in my opinion anyway. Feel free to re-state your opinions though, it’ll get pushed through assuming it’s clean.

  29. Poor poor Ranger fan….gotta do better than that….great rant Joe!

  30. Great article..I wish I knew where all the Ranger fans were from 1998-2007, while the Devils were winning Stanley Cups and the Rangers were the laughing stock of the leauge led by Lindros and Fleury..

  31. What bothers me more than the stupid homer stuff is the snobby, and borderline racist comments about Newark. I know Newark isn’t exactly wealthy, or a tourist attraction, but the location of the arena is fine. There are plenty of cops in the area, including in between the train station and arena itself, it’s well lit, there’s enough parking. I would say the Rock is in as good a location as any arena, especially in Jersey. I like being able to take the train to the game instead of paying $15 for parking. It’s not New York. Fine, but don’t judge our arena based on a stupid comment by Melrose.

  32. Aaron – You missed Naslund, Markus in your list of AARP signings.

    NEWARK SMELLS – that’s a poorly chosen pseudonym, considering you’re rooting for a team from MANHATTAN. It just brings to mind certain cliches about glass houses, kettles calling pots names, and “I am like rubber, you are like glue.” Not to mention the psychological concept of projection.

  33. NEWARK SMELLS says:

    Lets go Debbies !!!!!!!