Yes, the rumors are true. Scott Clemmensen will once again don the Red & Black! Of course, it’ll be the baby Red & Black, but nonetheless Scott Motherfriggin Clemmensen is back where he belongs! 2ManAdvantage once again is armed with all it needs!

Patricia, remember to call your pharmacist and cancel your Ambien CR Refill.

Uh yeah, so I just wrote this massively long post previewing free agency and WordPress ate it when I went to save it and publish it to the site. Seriously, if you could have seen the look on my face ten minutes ago, you would’ve cried. I imagine it would have looked like ten sad-eyed puppies looking down at a dropped ice cream cone.

So at the moment my anger at blogging templates is slightly outweighing my excitement for free agency.

At any rate I present to you my angrily abbreviated free agency preview. As Devils beat writer extraordinaire Tom Gulitti points out, we’ve got some cash to throw around. More than $18 mil to be less than exact. That’s a lot o’ benjamins, so let’s hope we can outdo last years lesson in mediocrity.

Here are my picks for the ‘08 Fabulous Free Agency Frenzy (trademark pending):

Who Stays: Jay Pandolfo, Bryce Salvador

Pando was off to a great start before his injury last year, he’s the consummate Devil and he deserves a new contract. I’d be seriously surprised and upset if we let him go. I think Bryce, despite his injuries last year, could be a solid lockdown 3 or 4 d-man.
Get the Eff Outta Town: Aaron Asham, Karel Rachuneck and Sergei Brylin

Karel and Aaron who? These guys just sucked last year, end of story. Unlike Pando, Brylin just looked like he was out of gas last year. He’s been great over the years, but I’d like to see the Devils part ways with him. Sorry Sarge. Despite my feelings, he’ll probably be back courtesy of a player option for next year.

Who to Pitch for (Realistically): Brian Rolston, Brendan Morrison or Cory Stillman up front. John Michael Liles or Mark Streit in back. Georges Laraque as a back line bruiser.

We NEED a top six center and a bigtime offensive defenseman desperately, there’s no two ways around it. I like Rolston and Morrison to fill our hole at center because they already know our system and are proven vets that could fill the gap while our youth develops. I’ve really enjoyed the reemergence of Stillman over the last few years as well, and could see him easily in the same role.

There are some big names out there on D, but Streit and Liles are young and brimming with talent. I love Paul Martin, but he just hasn’t proven he can be the powerplay QB we need. If we took one of these guys and had Martin as as a solid No. 2, I think we’d be set for a few years.

uhh…Laraque is a f***ing beast. So… yeah.

I also wouldn’t mind seeing Brooks Orpik or Ryan Malone in Red ‘n Black.

Who to Pitch for (Prob not Going to Happen): Marian Hossa, Pavol Demitra, Wade Redden, Brian Campbell.

These guys would make any team better. I’m not expecting any of them to come aboard, but I wouldn’t be unhappy if they did.

Marketing Maddness Pick: Miro Satan

I’d have my Satan Devils jersey faster than you could say ‘underachieving winger.

Left Field Crazy Trade Proposal: Patrick Marleau for a package including Brian Gionta, so long as we bring in another top six winger via free agency.

If Gio stays I’m fine with it, but if something like this went down I’d get to sleep at night.

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Alright, that’s it boys and girls. The other crazies at 2ma are likely to put their two cents in before long and we of course want to know what you guys have to say in the comments section. Cross your fingers!

So we all know that the coming of Summer not only means triple-digit heat waves and inevitable consumption of unhealthy amounts of Korean Barbecue, it also means that we have to find a way to kill four months without hockey.

Of course, you have the draft, free agency, and probably some trade rumors to look forward to — but as Devils fans we kinda have a hard time getting amped about all that jazz. So what’s a Devils fan to do? Well, for starters, you could rejoice over the fact that Karel Rachunek will not be with us next year. That always cheers me up.

Acknowledging that it’s been dead around here lately, Myself & The Gang are already talking about next season and are interested to see how the stage will be set for Black ‘N Red come October. We (or at least I…) will be updating with much more frequency to help all of you in Devils-land get through this dark time known as “the off-season.” Hey, what are friends for?

Throughout the coming months, you should keep your head up for an Off-Season Breakdown, Draft Evaluations, News Updates, & several rants on whatever seems to be pissing us off that day. As the new season draws nearer, we will release our 2008-2009 Season Preview, which promises to be more fun than a barrel of monkeys…with chainsaws!!

In the end, we know it’s been a quiet few months around here, but we thank you all for continuing to check us out and leave your two cents on our updates. You’ll have much more to buzz about shortly!

Look everyone, news!! …DEVILS-related news!!!

Lou Lamoriello must be trying to fill the void left by Karel Rachunek after he peaced out to Russia. (Oh, you didn’t know he left?  Oh well.)

The Devils have signed Finnish free-agent Anssi Salmonella Salmela to a contract.  This is the Devils we’re talking about so naturally terms of the contract were not and probably never will be disclosed.  Secrecy, dudes.

Salmela is a 23-year-old defenseman who has split time between Tappara and the Pelicans of the Finnish elite league.  He has also represented Finland at the 2004 World Juniors and this year’s tournament as well.

Through 226 games, Anssi has tallied 36 goals, 42 assists, and 208 penalty minutes.

For those of you who may not already know, there has been a tragedy in the hockey world. 21-year-old Canucks blueliner Luc Bourdon was killed in a motorcycle accident late last night in New Brunswick.

Doubling as a Canucks fan by night, this news is devastating to me. Luc was a young man full of talent and promise in the Vancouver organization and was quickly earning his spot on the big club after splitting most of the season between the Canucks and their AHL affiliate, the Manitoba Moose.

Our very own Brent Sutter is no stranger to Luc. Bourdon was a tremendous factor in the 2006 World Junior Hockey Championships, tallying six points in six games to help Sutter’s squad capture the gold medal. That very same season, he also earned the right to call himself a Memorial Cup Champion, helping Ted Nolan’s Wildcats to glory.

On behalf of Patricia, Steve, Scott, and Josh; I would like to extend our condolences and deepest sympathies to the Bourdon family.

Team Heaven’s roster just got that much better.

Mmmm, news-y tidbits.

Devils Draft Party is June 20th at 7 PM at The Rock.  I personally have never been, and I am dying for something hockey-related that doesn’t feature teams I despise, so I’ll  be in attendance (with 2MA stickers, of course).  The Devils have the 21st overall pick in this spring’s draft, and players ranking around #21 according to various lists and things include a guy that seems almost suspiciously perfect for the Devils:  Defensement John Carlson.

He’s from New Jersey (Colonia, to be exact).  He’s a defenseman with a rocket from the blue line, and he’s big (6′2″, 210).  Oh, and he likes the Devils, which makes him a Kool-Aid drinker already.

Other possibilities for the Devils whom I’d like to see donning the red & black in a few years include winger David Toews (brother of Jonathan…you see where I’m going with this one?), defenseman Tyler Myers (he’s 6′7″.  Enough said.), and defensemen Colten Teubert, who’s also big (6′4″) and plays a shutdown style defensive game according to www.hockeysfuture.com

In other Devils news, remember Karel Rachunek?  Supposedly he was one of the small village of defensemen the Devils kept around Newark last year.  Yeah, well, he’s gone.  Signed with some Russian team.  Rumor has it he had a deal in place during the season, which resulted in his not playing hardly at all down the stretch.  I think I speak for most Devils fans when I offer a great big…meh.

And finally, the Stanley Cup Finals are set, and it will be division rival Pittsburgh versus the Detroit Red Wings.  Game one is Saturday night at 8 PM.  I’m going on record as predicting the Wings in 5 - they take games 1 & 2 at home, Pittsburgh gets a win on home ice in game 3 but peter out in games 4 & 5.

Soo… the Conference Finals are upon us.

Why the lack of enthusiasm, you ask? Maybe it has something to do with my beloved Devils completely eating it during their series with the Rangers. Or perhaps it has something to do with the increasingly lackluster contests or even my inability to handle another second of John Forslund’s untamed defamation of the English language night in and night out on VERSUS. However, amidst all the “maybe’s“, there is a certainty — the fact that I woke up this morning to find that the ‘08 Final Four consist of the four teams I despise the most in all the Ligue Nationale de Hockey. And I cried.

The thought that one of Dallas, Detroit, Pittsburgh, or Philadelphia will be parading around next month with Lord Stanley’s mug has me seriously considering dousing myself in kerosene and running naked into the next burning building I come across.

Why does this simple fact of life have me so up in arms? To be honest, I don’t know. But that’s alright, we hockey fans don’t have to backup our statements with rational thought and supporting factual research. All ya need to know is that the playoffs have been dead to me this year, and that has me very upset.

April usually brings with it a wild excitement as the NHL’s second season gets underway, but this year is missing the intensity and ferocious competition that makes the playoffs THE PLAYOFFS. It’s my theory that the wussification of the game is finally starting to take it’s toll. If that theory holds its own in the lab, then it seems to me that we’ve sacrificed exciting playoff battles and gained a skills competition used to decide the outcome of regular season games.

Jussttttt peachy.

So, um, could someone wake me up on or around July 1st? I’m sure I’ll have a mouthful of nails when it comes to Lou Lamoriello and the free agent market.

Just busy.

And maybe a little depressed.

Or alot depressed.

We still owe the folks at RangerLand a set of five Haiku.  Said haiku are coming, we swear.

We also owe you, the awesome 2MA reading folk out there, a year-end recap courtesy of Mr. Scott Mackie; said recap will also be up in the coming days.

And then it’s on to the countdown until the draft and free agency day!  We’ll be playing armchair GMs plenty I’m sure.  I know who I want on this team (his name starts with a G and ends with an -eorges Laraque), and I’m sure Pat and Joe and Steve all have their preferences too.  And you’re gonna hear all about ‘em.  I pinky swear on it.

In the meantime…GO PENGUINS!

…I feel dirty now.

Dearest Patricia,

We’re pretty awesome huh? I know, I know, we’ve given you some scares in the past couple of days; what with Zach losing his boyish good looks and Marty nearly losing his head. But really, we were about to turn it around, we just needed to wait for the right moment.

Sure, there were plenty of Rangers fans to say we didn’t deserve that goal, it was a fluke or whatever. I’m sure another few might break out the rule books and say the refs missed all the calls and argue Brodeur really should have been called for trying to disrupt Sean Avery’s view of that blonde in the third row.

But we’ve tasted blood now, and we’re coming back for more.

Regardless how we got here we’d just like to say as a team — from the bottom of Johnny Oduya’s beard — thank you Patricia. If we had known the indigestion and drug dependence we were causing Devils fans, it would not have ever been an issue in the first place. Our bad! Really!

Ok, so maybe we didn’t channel the spirit of Claude or Scotty like you asked, we went for a more Randy Mckay vibe, but it still fits the bill, right?  Riiight.

Bottom line, we’re back in it and we just wanted to let ya know, we appreciate the heads up about our crap play of late.

Hugs and Kisses,

The Devils

P.S. If you see Zach’s front teeth anywhere, give us a heads up.  Much love to Dano, but NOT a good look for a guy in his early 20s and dude wants to hit the bar.

With a 2-1 overtime victory over the Islanders that I totally didn’t see at all, the Devils have officially clinched a playoff berth.

Yay!