So, thanks to the elbow of one, Mr. Colby Armstrong (who, apparently does have quite the strong arm), Rad Brad Lukowich will be out of the Devils lineup for an indefinite amount of time with a concussion.

Better yet, one, Mr. Colby Armstrong, who was not even penalized on the blatant elbow, will likely not even see any disciplinary action from the NHL. They’ll be too busy giving Time Out to Chris Simon, I reckon.

Sure, Dumbass Simon deserves all the attention in the world right now, as he McSorley’ed his way into the league’s (in)famous Hall of Shame, but damnit, this is really not good for the Devils. Already without Colin White, who apparently injured his hand in the pregame skate, the Devils are now down two defensemen…with no wiggle room to boot.

Uh oh.

Will Matvichuk make a triumphant return finally, or do we dare see Brendan Mark Fraser back in the lineup again? Surely depends on the severity of Luk’s injury, but either way, I’m quite bummed. Gosh darnit, our boys are still struggling, even with the miraculous Patty El shootout winning goal, and the last thing this team needs is a severely depleted lineup, barely rounding third and limping into the regular season’s home base. Rochester’s Finest Brian Gionta is still day-to-day with, again, what the Devils call a “tweaked groin,” which, boys and girls, let us remember is really Devils speak for “Brian Gionta’s bottom half has mysteriously detached from his body.” That leaves us without three key players.

Again, I must say, uh oh.

Uh oh indeed.

Groins are stupid.

So are the Philadelphia Flyers.

Banish groins and the Flyers and the world would be a much happier place.

Seriously.

Bad start to the period for the Devils, and Parise lost a little awesomeness with his tripping penalty, but he’s still more awesome than every single Flyer, so all is well.

Patrik Elias needs to seriously start being awesome again though, it’s getting a bit ridiculous now.

EDIT: And as I put the finishing touches on this lovely groin picture (because, hey, who doesn’t enjoy a groin photo?), Patty El gets a goal. Looks like he’s is a 2MA reader. Listen to us, boys, and you too can be awesome.

EDIT #2: Uh, can we maybe stop taking penalties now?

EDIT #3: Seriously? I mean…seriously? Way to waste a beautiful Brylin deflection, really. Lukowich is starting to kinda suck again, and that’s really making me sad. Hell, the whole defense is making me sad right now. Poo.

EDIT #4: This team is stupid. 4-3 Flyers after two periods. I’m quite sad.

EDIT #5: Word is Gionta is being held out for the rest of the game with a “tweaked groin.” That’s Devils speak for “Brian Gionta’s groin has fallen off, sprouted groin legs and ran away to Cancun for Spring Break.”

EDIT #6: You’re the goaltender and you have Patrik Elias and Scott Gomez skating in on you in an odd man rush. Who do YOU want taking the shot? …apparently in Elias’ warped mind, he’d rather give the puck to Gomez. Great logic. Really. Great.

EDIT #6 CONTINUED: Oh, okay. I know Elias didn’t exactly have the best angle in the world, but still, I reserve the right to say he should have shot the puck because I’m mad at him right now, and when I’m mad at someone, I can say whatever the heck I want and it’s totally okay, even if in actuality I’m wrong. It’s really a great power to possess, I encourage each and every one of you to do the same.

EDIT #7 (WHICH IS REALLY EDIT #8): You’ve gotta be kidding me. Biron is in no man’s land and still makes a miraculous save on Jamie Langenbrunner. He’s stupid.

EDIT #8: Wow. Rad Brad is back. I’ll take it. Well, I’ll take anything at this point. He’s, like, totally a Flyer Killer.

EDIT #9: Ew. I’m actually starting to get a bit worried about this team now. The worst team in the history of the world just beat the Devils. That’s, uh, not good. Regroup boys, take the next few days to focus yourselves and then beat the banana pad poop out of MA Fleury and the Pens, mmmkay?

Poor Logo. He can’t catch a break.

Brad, you have impressed me so much in the past few months, I have to give you quite the hat tip. Honestly, I hope you stay a Devil now. I love you, man. With such a grand display of hockey skill, it is my pleasure to give you your very own Category here on 2 Man Advantage. From here on out, any post with any reference to Mr. Lukoil will now be deemed RAD BRAD LUKOWICH.

Nite folks. Enjoy Groundhog Day. It’s the best day of the year!

Waiter, I’d like to order now. I’ll start with the French Onion soup and the side salad, then I’ll have a nice, big serving of your finest crow. Oh, and I’d like a glass of Kool-Aid with that.

I still miss Richard Matvichuk though.

The Devils have a major case of the owies.

Thank goodness Colin White is ready to go after missing eight games with a groin boo-boo. Poor White. We really did miss his amazing ability to taking dumb penalties at the absolute worst times.

Alas, Whitey has been solid. I cannot fault him too badly, as we have bigger problems anyways in still missing Johnny Oduya (upper body injury after shooting too many pucks into the stands), Richard Matvichuk (absolutely nothing wrong, we just have no moneys so we pretend he’s still back-achin’), and now Alex Brooks with a broken foot (the bone couldn’t withstand logging three minutes of play a night). What the hell guys?

Now all we need is for Brian Rafalski to break his leg, David Hale to lose his eye, Brad Lukowich to have his foot cut off and Paul Martin to start sucking…oh wait…he already has accomplished that one.

So folks, this kinda sucks. Brendan Mark Fraser was sent back to the Baby Devils today, but now we’re giving Andy Greene a shot. Oh yes, the revolving door of Lowell defensemen has been quite fun, but can’t we just get rid of the $5-million-dollar waste that is Scott Poo-Mez and get a real defenseman to get the job done?

I know, I know. Why should I complain? The Devils have been one of the hottest teams in the National Hockey League, still managing to lose to the second worst team in the NHL nonetheless, but I’m bitter damnit. I want a solid defenseman, not some schmo who is going to play three minutes a night in order for Brad Lukowich and Brian Rafalski to rack up 900 million minutes within a period-and-a-half of play.

Argh, I say. Argh.

Silly Devils, did you guys really think you could actually compete with the Buffalo Sabres?

Lies!

Granted, the Devils really outplayed the Sabres in the first two periods, which of course, I did not get to watch, but for the third…well, our lovely defense decided to take a swing a handling things.

Brian Rafalski is starting to replace Brad Lukowich as most annoying, crappy defenseman on the team. Gosh darnit, Raffy…are you serious?

And on another note…I’d like to give props to Erik Rasmussen. Apparently he wanted to prove me wrong and show he can score more than one goal this season. Good for you, Erik. Bad for the rest of the team, since they’re still getting their asses handed to them in the span of one period.

Uh…on ANOTHER note, wow. Gionta. 3-2. Making it close. Woo.

…but then Jamie decides to end the game for the Devils. Close, but no cigar.

Brad Lukowich easily had his best game of the season last night. Moreover, I’d like to even credit him as the best defenseman of the game.

Brad, keep this up and I will personally negotiate a 15 year contract extention with Lou Lamoriello for you. It’ll be great.

Oh, so, uh, what ever happened with Cammie J’s MRI? I really do love this Devils organization — no mystery whatsoever. Look for an announcement on the extent of his injury about 10 games after he makes his triumphant return to the lineup. Count on it!

Alas, we miss you, Cam. Can’t wait to see you back in the lineup cracking skulls!

It looks like we’re set for another rousing round of Salary Cap Sweep! With Richard Matvichuk about ready to return to the lineup after off-season back surgery, Louie Lams will be faced with another cap dilemma.

With that said, here comes all the talk of blockbuster trades and monumental moves among Devils fans. Will Rafalski finally be traded? Is Gomez going to get dumped? Are we going to see Brodeur bolt? Don’t fret, fellow fans, none of these guys are going anywhere. Sure, there are moves to be made, but as Lou has done in the past, it’ll be nothing short of a snoozer-woozer sure to piss off the rest of the league and dig the Devils deeper into the crud of unpopularity. But hey, what else is new?

On a final note, Tuomas Pihlman was apparently waved earlier this week. Oh well. He sucked anyway. So long, fella! Thanks for nothing!

Brad Lukowich sucks a little less.

Unfortunately for Brad, that’s still just too much suckage to handle.