Scott Stevens, was that you? (A half-cap, if you will)

11:53 PM ET: A bittersweet moment, but we must give congratulations to Richard H. as he has taken home the 2MA t-shirt. Thanks to all who entered!
____

10:10 PM ET: What a waste. Season over.

10:08 PM ET:
…and that’s that. Staal fires one past Marty with just seconds left. You’ve gotta be kidding me.

10:07 PM ET:
Devils with the timeout. I’m not sure my heart can handle this.

10:06 PM ET:
Well, we have a minute left. Please do not break my heart, New Jersey.

10:05 PM ET:
DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT.  Tied game.

10:01 PM ET:
Marty with a purty glove save on Rod Brind’amour. Do I need to bust out the You Go Girl picture? I think I do. Ever since that crap goal Brodeur gave up early in the first, he’s been on FI-YAH.

9:57 PM ET:
Two-on-one, Madden and Whitey. That’s almost as good as a Colin White penalty shot.

9:51 PM ET:
Martin Brodeur is a pretty darn good goalie. Just sayin’. He’s keepin’ the lead for the Devils right now.

9:51 PM ET:
Cam Ward is a pretty darn good goalie. Just sayin’. He’s keepin’ the Canes in it right now.

9:47 PM ET:
Madden with the game on his stick, can’t quite get it high enough on Ward. Consequently, Tuomo Ruutu gets absolutely reamed by Patty Elias. This has not been Ruutu’s night.

9:47 PM ET:
GOOD KILL GOOD KILL GOOD KILL

9:46 PM ET:
MARTIN BRODEUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11ONE!1

9:45 PM ET:
Captain-brunner takes a bad penalty…no good. This is a huge kill here. DO IT.

9:38 PM ET:
Madden and Pandolfo on a two-on-one? Wow, I’m having serious flashbacks here.

9:33 PM ET:
So, yeah, normally the Rangers Suck chants annoy the heck outta me, but there’s something so divine about hearing 17,625 fans mocking the failed season of the Blueshirts in unison.

Loves it.

9:32 PM ET:
HOW DID THAT NOT GO IN? Elias, you’re fired.

9:29 PM ET:
Let us all take a moment bow our heads in silence for the Rangers’ 2009 season. Rest in Peace, New York. Rest in Peace.

…Nelson, I need to borrow your laugh right here.

_____
9:15 PM ET: Oh, and thanks to everyone who entered the 2MA t-shirt contest! Winner will be announced at the conclusion of tonight’s contest!
_____

9:13 PM ET: And we’re done with two! Devils with an additional buck-twenty left on the power play going into the third period.  I need a drink.

9:11 PM ET: Atta-boy, Zachy. Good to see Parise back on the ice immediately after getting his cheek ripped open.

9:08 PM ET:
Okay, I was totally kidding about, you know, any injury to Zach Parise. Poor pretty boy takes a stick to the face, draws blood and we’re on a four-minute man advantage. Make Gleason and the Canes pay Black ‘n Red!

9:04 PM ET:
GOOD KILL GOOD KILL GOOD KILL

9:02 PM ET:
I’m going to punch Zach Parise in the knee. Keep your stick down holmes! ‘Nother penalty kill for the Devils. Gotta stop taking the penalties.

9:00 PM ET:
GOOD KILL GOOD KILL GOOD KILL

8:56 PM ET:
If Facebook had a Does Not Like button, I’d click it for that play. BAD PENALTY CALL for flip’s sakes! Two-man advantage for the wrong team. Huge kill coming up. DO IT BOYZ! ‘Kay, maybe Facebook has taken over my life too.

Speaking of, add us on Facebook! …ah crap. Addicted.

8:50 PM ET: YUS!! POWER PLAY GOAL SUCKAS! 3-2 NEW JERSEY! What a PLAY by Brian Gionta! Amazing awareness, throws it over to Brian Rolston who *gasp* FINALLY GETS A GOAL! Oh my GOSH it’s like it was in the stars…

8:48 PM ET:
Solid shift by Black ‘n Red results in another pee-pee. If I don’t get my power play goal, I’m going to cry.

8:37 PM ET:
Uh…defense? Hello? Tied game. That power play goal would have been lovely, eh? Whatever, Ray Whitney is stupid.

8:36 PM ET:
Why does our power play suck so much?

8:34 PM ET:
Huge pee-pee! …uh…that sounds wrong. I WANT A POWER PLAY GOAL DARN IT.

8:33 PM:
‘Kay, Brendan Shanahan is awesome. Solid two-way play tonight by the 75893-year-old forward.

8:15 PM: PS Jay Pandolfo can grow a playoff beard like no one’s business. Shades of Scott Niedermayer anyone? …lies. That man came out of the womb with a full, furry, fantastic beard.

8:14 PM: Shaky start, solid ending. Good period overall. I like when the defense doesn’t completely suck. I also like when Captain-brunner looks like his old self.

KEEP IT GOING
KEEP IT GOING
KEEP IT GOING
KEEP IT GOING
KEEP IT GOING

8:03 PM: I LOVE JAY PANDOLFO.
_____

Holy…Johnny O-flippin-duya!

That was the hit of the playoffs right there ladies ‘n gents. I’m pretty sure poor Tuomo is still shakin’ in his skates right now…if he even remembers what skates after that boomer of an open ice hit.

KEEP IT GOING
KEEP IT GOING
KEEP IT GOING
KEEP IT GOING
KEEP IT GOING

We feel generous.

Okay, so, uh…the Devils need to win tonight, correct?

Correct.

Tonight is all do-or-die, a position all too familiar to Devils fans over the past few years. Why do our boys play with our hearts so freely?

It may be poetic, but I sure don’t want to see any tragedies tonight. I WANT EPIC BATTLES AND EPIC WINS MOTHERFU….oh..sorry. I got a little carried away there.

Anywhoooz, I’ve decided to be nice today. Do you want to be nice too? I think you do. Here’s what ya do. Send us an e-mail HERE. All ya gotta do is, well, tell us that we’re pretty.

Oh, jokes.

No, seriously. Just e-mail us. One fan at random will win their very own 2MA t-shirt. Entries will be accepted until midway through tonight’s contest, so, uh, ya got a couple hours to get this shizz done. The winner will be announced at the conclusion of tonight’s game.

Please bring Black ‘n Red good luck…they surely need it after that embarrassment of a Game Six.

Game 5: Devils @ Hurricanes LIVECAP!

10:02 PM: I’m goin’ to bed.  I think none of us are all that shocked that this series is gonna go seven.  My heart might not make in ’til Tuesday night.  G’night gang.

10:00 PM: Game 7 is Tuesday night at The Rock.  Let’s just pretend like tonight didn’t happen.  Game 7 is all that matters now, and despite how tonight’s game looked, these two teams are still amazingly evenly matched.

9:59 PM: And that’s it.  4-0.  I’m sick to death of 4-0 games this year.

9:58 PM: Gionta can’t stuff it home with a little room in front – one minute left in the game.

9:56 PM: The Devils are playing without a fourth line right now – apparently both Rupp and Clarkson earned 10 minute misconducts in that little scrum before.  Only Gleason picked up one for Carolina.

9:55 PM: Three minutes left in this humiliation of a hockey game.

9:51 PM: And another blatant penalty, this one a trip via Brian Rolston.  Guys, I agreed to LiveCap this game, which means I HAVE to watch it.  At least stop taking boneheaded penalties while I’m still forced to pay attention!

9:49 PM: Shorthanded three-on-two but Shanny can’t bury the puck.  One goal would be nice at least…

9:47 PM: Somehow in the fight, the Hurricanes wound up with a power play.  Great.  Rupp took the extra two for roughing.

9:44 PM: Hey, a sign of life!  Clarkson pulls Gleason out of a scrum and after a bit of hugging, they finally give us a full-fledged fight.  Hey, it worked for the Penguins.  Problem is, Clarkson waited one goal and one period too many.

9:39 PM: Jussi Jokinen, 4-0.  Marty had no chance, of course.  Sigh.

9:37 PM: Someone on TV wasn’t happy.  Dunno if it was a fan or player, but someone yelled pretty loudly “HEY!  WHAT THE F&$% WAS THAT?!”  Immediately afterwards, Madden’s off for roughing.  A long 5-on-3 for the Hurricanes, and if you don’t have ’em yet, I’d go pick up your game 7 tickets right about now.

9:36 PM: Travis Zajac with a pretty obvious hook.  11:30 left in the third.  Bad timing, Trav.  Bad timing.

9:35 PM: Even our chances aren’t actual chances – Shanahan has Ward out of position but can’t get a shot away through the Hurricane defense.

9:32 PM: So, how ’bout them Mets?  …seriously?  8-1?  To the NATIONALS?  Ugh.  I got nothin’.

9:27 PM: That was pretty indicative of how this game’s been going:  Andy Greene with a nice run up ice, all by his lonesome, chips it past a defender at the blue line, chases after it…and trips and falls into a massive heap over a random ‘Cane.

9:24 PM: Well, here goes nothin’.  Third period on.

9:06 PM: And the second period is over.  Thank god.  3-0 Hurricanes.  Book your game seven tickets now kids, there isn’t even a hint that the Devils can come back from this one a la Tuesday night.

9:02 PM: A few seconds of serious offensive flurry in front of Cam Ward, but nothing doing.  BAH!

8:59 PM: The response is not as immediate as it was Tuesday night.

8:55 PM: I’m gonna try something.  It worked last time:

Attention Devils:

WAKE UP!

Thanks.

-2 Man Advantage.

8:52 PM: I was really hoping there wouldn’t be a game seven, because dammit, I have stuff to do Tuesday night that I’m gonna have to cancel in favor of going to The Rock.

8:48 PM: Hey hey, a shot on goal!  Stopped by Cam Ward, but at least there was a shot within the area of the red pipes, that might have gone into the net had there not be a human being standing in front of it.

8:44 PM: I give up.  AWFUL two-on-one and Marty’s just left out to dry.  3-0, Staal’s goal again.  I really don’t feel like watching this game anymore at this point.

8:41 PM: Shots on goal currently sits at 22-5 in favor of Carolina.  THAT should tell you who’s bothered to show up in Raleigh this evening.

8:38 PM: …dammit.  2-0 Hurricanes, Staal.  Dammit dammit dammit.

8:37 PM: The Devils just cannot make it to any loose pucks.  It’s scary how much better the Hurricanes look right now.

8:36 PM: Zubbie outta the box.

8:35 PM: ‘Canes gotta be up to eight or nine shots on just two power plays so far tonight.  Meep.

8:33 PM: Not the love I was speaking of.  Zubbie takes a retaliatory roughing call and it’s Carolina to the PP.

8:32 PM: Second period on.  C’mon Unseen Hand, a little love, eh?

8:14 PM: And that’ll do it for period one.  Devils start with a two-second power play to start the second period.  Shots on goal:  Carolina 15, New Jersey 4.  Oof.

8:12 PM: Uhm, guys…we ARE on the power play…That means that, well, the puck should be in the offensive zone and controlled by you the majority of the time.

8:11 PM: NICE sliding breakup of the two-on-one by Mike Mottau, then Zubbie draws a tripping penalty via Pitkanen with about two minutes left in the first.

8:10 PM: I hear it’s hot in Raleigh today – it sure is hot here – and it shows in terms of ice quality.  Or it could also be us sucking.  That’s possible.

8:08 PM: On a happier note, I’m watching this game in HD for a  change!

8:07 PM: Aaand that’s why I don’t get my hopes up.  Not a bad power play per se, but nothing to show for it nonetheless.

8:05 PM: Pitkanen hooks Gionta and we’re on the (PSE&G) Power Play.  I’d get excited if I thought we had a chance to score.

8:04 PM: Or crossbar.  Possibly holy crazy crossbar save.

8:03 PM: Holy crazy blocker save!

7:59 PM: And when I say that they’re not trying, I of course am not including Marty.  This game would be 4-0 without him right now.

7:58 PM: I understand that it’s hard to match desperation when a team’s got it’s back to the wall, but jeez, trying a little would be nice.

7:54 PM: DAMMIT!  Ray Whitney finally cracks Marty, batting a puck out of mid-air baseball-style.  1-0 Hurricanes, and perhaps more telling, 12-1 shots in the Hurricanes favor, and I refuse to believe the fact that we actually have a shot on goal.

7:51 PM: Penalty kill’d.  Thankfully, and not for lack of trying on Carolina’s end.  Eleven and a half left in the period.

7:48 PM: Oh jebus.  Pandolfo loses his stick during the PP, as does Marty, with chances galore for the ‘Canes, but STILL we finally manage to clear.  Oh man this is gonna be a crazy game, just like every other one this series before it.

7:46 PM: Well the Hurricanes sure realize that this could be their last game.  And the fans sure realize that this could be their last game as well.  Mike Rupp does not realize this, apparently, and takes a holding penalty on Jussi Jokinen.

7:45 PM: Oh, right, no Doc tonight.  Blast.

7:43 PM: I got stuck at work, but I am here now.  Langs back in, Holik’s a scratch, Greene’s still in, still no Salvador, game in 2 minutes old, no score yet.  Get it?  Got it?  Good.

It’s simple.

Urgent Message, Part 4

Attention Devils:

No hard feelings.  You did everything I asked.

Attention referees:

You’re now Dead To Me.

Much love, you jerks.

-2 Man Advantage.

I hate clocks.

That is all.

Actually, may I add something? I will.

I HATE CRAPPY OFFICIATING.

Now, that is all.

ECQF GAME 1: THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE DOWNRIGHT RIDICULOUS

I sense peach fuzz on the chins of sweaty men in hockey pants — that must mean it’s time for another edition of 2MA’s Playoff Recap — THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE DOWNRIGHT RIDICULOUS!

It's just too easy.THE GOOD
Uh, everything? The boys came out swingin’ tonight. Looking like players possessed, Black ‘n Red effortlessly flew across the ice tonight, seemingly man handling the Carolina Hurricanes. Marty wasn’t tested too badly, the defense held up…well…better than it usually does, and Zachy and the boys skated circles around Carolina blue liners all night.

It was a beautiful sight to say the least.

THE BAD
We only got four goals! I will NOT settle for this, New Jersey. Okay, okay — I’m being ridiculous here. I’m pretty sure there were at least 795 scoring opportunities tonight on Cam Ward, and I’m pretty sure Cam was shaking in his skates by the end of the game. Dude had to play pretty darn well to stop the fire tonight.

THE DOWNRIGHT RIDICULOUS
Yup.New Jersey only took two penalties! ‘Kay, so maybe this isn’t exactly ridiculous, but truth be told — the Devils need to be disciplined against Carolina. They’ve got some guns on that club and, uh, well, the boys don’t exactly have the best penalty kill going right now.  Even better? They held Carolina to very few chance opportunities on the man advantage.

Go team go.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN GAME 2
More of the same, I say! Keep the pressure on, continue with solid forechecking and get some more cycling down low to keep Cammy Ward ‘n co spinnin’ dizzy in their helmets. The D needs to continue to step it up — sparkling plays like Mikey Mottau’s steal off of Ward’s misfire out of the zone will make this Devils fan quite happy, and I like being happy.

The Canes are going to be angry out the gate next game. Don’t wait for ’em to make any mistakes, this is a smart team here. Pressure, pressure, pressure.

We got this, Black ‘n Red.

Mike Mottau!!!!!!

Mike Mottau!Mike Mottau!!!!!!
Mike Mottau!!!!!!
Mike Mottau!!!!!!
Mike Mottau!!!!!!
Mike Mottau!!!!!!
Mike Mottau!!!!!!
Mike Mottau!!!!!!
Mike Mottau!!!!!!
Mike Mottau!!!!!!
Mike Mottau!!!!!!
Mike Mottau!!!!!!
Mike Mottau!!!!!!
Mike Mottau!!!!!!

Hey Ma, we’re in the Times!

Thanks goes out to Jeff for giving us a chance to be bumbling idiots over at the NY Times this afternoon.

Josh, Scott, and I took a minute to answer some brief questions about the forthcoming Devils-‘Canes series. We made predictions, we talked Raleigh, we even discussed colors! It surely cannot get better than that, right?

Check us out HERE!

Oh, and it so would have been better if we were allowed to, like, curse…check that, if, uh, Scott was allowed to curse. Yeah. Sorry about the buddy, damn journalism and its ethics ‘n stuff!

Round 1 Playoff Preview!!!

OK, so I’ve written a helluva lot this weekend… but screw it!! This is the time of year where everyone gets into it and brings their A game… scorers score…. goalies tend goal… checkers check… and writer’s write!! And what better to talk about then the tournament that rewards the Richest and Greatest Prize in Professional Sports (well aside from the WCW/World Heavyweight Title belt… I can’t help it… that damn thing is a piece of artwork!)… anyway.. it’s time to talk STANLEY CUP AND MEAN IT!!! CMONNNN PLAYOFFS!!!!

    Western Conference

#1 San Jose vs #8 Anaheim:
I think everyone, their mother and even her buck toothed third cousin knows how insanely and irrationally (ok it’s VERY rational to me… I took the 2003 Finals on the Always Biased Coverage Network WAY too personally and I felt my fan-dom was challenged… and that’s heavy shit… I don’t take that lightly!)… so anyway… I hate the Ducks and I rejoice at all bad things that happy to the MASTER of the JiggyPout (no goalie sulks more then Giguere when a goal is scored on him and no sight looks more beautiful!).. while the steam still rises from my keyboard however… the Pond-scum will NOT be an easy out… JiggyPout is riding pine, that makes them better… Pronger can throw elbows and beat teams down… and the Sharks are still soft to me (and that goes a HUNDRED FOLD on Joe Thornton until he dominates a series like an elite guy on his level SHOULD)… and of course we have the Niedermommy brothers too… this has got to be the LAST team the Sharks wanted to see… and all the pressure is on them… notice I barely talked about them… if they swept the Pond-Scum, people would ask why it didn’t happen in 3 games! I don’t think it will be easy, and this may be good for the Sharks… overcome an early scare and hope the greatness of Claude Lemieux rubs off on them (Imagine if only Pepe had one more run in him eh?)
Sharks in 6 (but it will not be pretty!)

#2 Detroit vs #7 Columbus
The playoff tested juggernaut against the up and coming team that may not know any better… this is going to be one helluva a match-up too!!! The Wings have all the names and all the guns… but none of the netminding … and Osgood sold his worthless soul to not suck LAST year… I can’t see that happening again… and if you look at the Blue Jackets… really… they got some talent.. Nash, Huselieus, Umburger… and the goalie the Red Wings could have wet dreams about… not to mention a coach that KNOWS the playoffs and knows a thing or two about beating the Red Wings…it only took the second series for me to get stupid… but damn I love the underdog here!!!
Columbus in 6

#3 Vancouver vs #6 St. Louis
man Vancouver comes in running on all cylinders don’t they?? Scoring is coming in bunches and from everyone they overcame, what a … 13 point lead by the Flames?? (well Calgary sure helped that!)… but to quote my old buddy from the bar.. “they’re clicking!”…. but then again… look at St Louis, and look at the run they made to get here too… these teams are VERY similar in their success and their pushes in the second half (though the Blues push is due more to healthy players, while Vancouver’s is guys clicking), this series really is a bitch to figure out… for all of Luongo’s “greatness” he’s got a whopping FOUR more playoff wins then Chris Mason… this thing is really a toss-up and can get ugly as these teams learn to hate each other… not to mention the premier Vancouver guys (and yes I mean you Sundin and Demitra) are KNOWN for their playoff disappearing acts!! (so is Keith Upchuck too though… I still hate him for that US Olympic Crap)… but I’m just feeling another live underdog here!!
Blues in 6

#4 Chicago vs #5 Calgary
Wow talk about a team that’s stock dropped quicker then Fanny Mae and GM combined!!! (too random??) That would be your Calgary Flames… now don’t get me wrong I love watching them, but DAMN they are a mess… Kipper looks burned out, the top 4 defense… ALL hurt….it’s just ugly in the land that gave us the Hart family (WOOT.. more wrestling references!)… and on the other hand… you have a young, ready and EAGER (no not Ben :p) team that has a very determined Nikoali Khabibulin back in net trying to prove to the world that not only was Chicago idiotic to try to get rid of him but the rest of the league was DUMBER to not grab him when they could!! That’s a dangerous combination for the Flames… and if they don’t score first and win that first game… it’s OVER for them…. and they ain’t doing it….
Hawks in 4

    Eastern Conference

#1 Boston vs #8 Montreal:
About the only team coming in with smoke flying out of the battle-damaged engine as much as the Flames is the Hundred-Year-Habs… they’ve been a mess (though it’s sick that Schneider is playing with a busted rotator cuff… yet one more reminder why hockey players are above us mere mortals!)… normally when you look at a match-up of a team playing well vs a team in disarray with a confused goalie… it has sweep written all over it….but then you add in… the rivalry… it’s Boston and freaking Montreal!!! They did this last year and it was Montreal who was SUPPOSED to sweep the awful Bruins… nah-uh!!! This will be a battle, and honestly I don’t buy the Bruins as a dominant team (look how shitty that division was this year, but Scott they’re playing one of them… I know… weird things happen in the playoffs… just ask Matthew Barnaby!)… this will be fun to watch as the pressure mounts on that team in Boston that last won a Cup when I was in the womb :p
Boston in 7

#2 Washington vs. #7 NY Rangers:
Well this is a fascinating series… both of these teams’ weak points go head to head… the Rangers can’t score, and Jose Theodore couldn’t stop a heat-seeking missile by holding up a match! Not to mention… Sean Avery is gonna try to make Ovechkin angry and he’s just gonna turn into the Hulk and eat Vogue’s favorite intern… and the Rangers just seem … so…. flawed… I hate their defense, the goal scorers don’t impress me… and the only way they win in this series is if the Caps shoot for the Puffy-Pads and lower (and look through the playoffs… especially last year… the Diary Queen was not-so-good (even in beating the Devils… trust the old goalie… he was fighting the damn puck and the Devils just couldn’t get the puck past him… wasn’t him stone-walling the universe)… the Caps won’t win a Cup with the hair club for men goalie, but they will get at least one step closer this year!
Caps in 6

#3 Devils vs #6 Carolina:
Man the whole world is picking against the Devils this year…. I like this!!! I know Carolina had a nice run, but Buffalo cooled them off… and look.. EVERY team not named Montreal in the East had A RUN like this… and when the run ended the team ran cool for a few weeks…this is not the time of year to be doing that… the Canes have the goaltending yes… but that D can be bottled up (and yes so can a good part of the Devil team too.. matchups MAY matter in this series).. and I’ve been thinking all along this year that this is finally the year the Devils go deep in the playoffs… hey Carolina… sorry about yo’damnnn luck!!!!
Devils in 6

#4 Pittsburgh vs #5 Phily
Well look… it’s Gary Bettman’s love children Malkin and Cindy the wonder child… and what city loves man on boy love like Phily?? (damn that was a harsher cheap shot then I even meant it to be :p)… the Penguins will get EVERY call in the universe until 87 and 71 are carried off the ice dead (a different Flyer team and this would be likely)… but the thing is the Flyers are by FAR the NHL’s most dangerous team shorthanded… and an early shortie in the series could fritz the Penguin power play and strip them of their greatest asset… and if you look at the Flyers they can go goal for goal with Uncle Gary’s boys, and I really like… ewww.. Phily in this series…a little pay back for last year!!
Flyers in 6